The Apprentice: Infant Edition

Today was my first “bring your child to work” day.  I scoffed at these for years: why were people making kids run back and forth between cubicles while I was trying to concentrate on MineSweeper?  It seemed odd to see colleagues heaping attention on kids while waiting for faxes or filing TPS reports.  I was going to blow it off, but I got a lot of heat from co-workers who wanted to meet Cheeky, and after realizing I’d get a ride to work instead of walking to the subway past the frozen vomit and yellow snow I figured it was worth bringing her in.

It turned out to be a pretty big deal at my company.  A surprisingly sober Santa Claus was stationed in a conference room, and the adjoining rooms were well stocked with chicken fingers, mac ‘n’ cheese, and ice cream sandwiches.  (Slight digression:  is there anything more perfect than the soft chocolate wafers that hold ice cream sandwiches together?  When you pull your fingers off and little clumps of cookie stick to them…mmmmmmmmm.)  A hobo on a unicycle was riding around doing “magic tricks” for the kids as I squinted to identify the huge stains on his jacket.  Dozens of parents milled about, dodging a sea of balloons floating at eye level while trying to keep Junior from jimmying the latch that led to the 50th floor terrace.  But the best part (aside from effectively blowing off the entire morning) was bonding with all these people—not quite friends, but not strangers either—using hot dogs instead of PowerPoint.

Cheeky is way too young to appreciate any of the festivities, and thankfully too young to recognize the grimness of everyday existence in a cubicle farm.  I hope she is destined for better things than that.  If nothing else, she got to show off to a different crowd, all of whom spent the rest of the day telling me how cute she is.  I never get tired of hearing that.