'Tis the Season to Rejoice and Not Get Your Panties in a Knot

We're in the home stretch for the holidays, and I'm psyched to have a few days off to spend with my wife and daughter.  I'm really glad that there's a time of year when you're basically forced to take a step back from the petty annoyances of daily life, be kind to your fellow man (or woman) and celebrate with loved ones.  It's not a season without its headaches--god knows I'm a raging lunatic when it comes to holiday shopping or drivers who act like they've never seen snow before--and it seems like all I hear this year are complaints, bitching, and frustration (the transit strike sure isn't helping).  It got me thinking about all the things I love and hate about the holidays, and why it's such a big deal in the first place. 

So in that spirit, I put together a list of 25 things that drive me nuts about the holidays, and 25 reasons why I shouldn't let them get to me.  That way, when I see Kelsey Grammar's "A Christmas Carol" or some asshole tell off a clerk at the grocery store because they are out of ham, I can find a happy place and remember what makes this time of year so special.  May it help you deal as well!

The needles all over the floor	The smell of the tree
The fact that “We’re a Couple of Misfits” was cut from some airings of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer	Yukon Cornelius & the Grinch’s dog
The realization that a gift giver has no idea who you are or what’s important to you	That anticipation you still have just before you open that gift
People wearing ugly-ass holiday sweaters who won’t get out of your way at the mall	Ugly-ass holiday sweaters
“Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer”	David Bowie & Bing Crosby
Paying extra for overnight delivery when you forget to order until the last minute	Amazon’s delivery and gift-wrapping services
When your kid melts down on Santa’s lap and is still crying an hour later	Other peoples kids who melt down on Santa’s lap (ah, schadenfreude)
Year-end Top Ten lists written by PR people instead of actual critics	The handful of year-end Top Ten lists that actually get it right, or introduce you to something you may have missed
The Starbucks Egg Nog Latte.  I wanted to like them, I really did.  Tastes like feet.	Home made egg nog.  All home made nogs, for that matter
The garish decorations you got as gifts from relatives you feel compelled to put up in case they come over	The Darth Vader Christmas ornament that breathes heavy every time we plug in our tree lights
The craptastic movies you suffer through all year in anticipation of the holiday season	All the Oscar contenders that finally hit the theaters and that were actually worth waiting for
Cheesy Christmas specials starring D-list stars who learn “the true meaning of Christmas”	Children’s nativity plays, especially the supporting actors playing shepards and wise men who almost get their one line right
The inevitable disappointment your kids will feel when they realize Santa’s not real	That plate of cookies and glass of milk by the fireplace every year until then
The prick boss who could care less what your holiday plans are and schedules something on Christmas Eve	Those last few days at the office when people really aren’t doing anything
Wrapping presents	Tearing them open
The tattered holiday decorations at CVS and Target that have been up since Labor Day	The windows at Barney’s and Bloomingdale’s
The 68 lbs. I inevitably gain in December	My Mom’s fudge
The people who are cold and hungry on Christmas	The volunteers that show up in swarms to help make it a little better for them
People who insist there’s a “war on Christmas”	The fact that other cultures and religions also have holidays this time of year, and all those who try to be inclusive and acknowledge that
White-elephant Christmas parties	Secret Santas
Getting a card from someone you should have sent one to but didn’t	Getting cards from friends and family you never talk to or see enough, and taking a few moments to think about them and wish them well
The way some people expect a tip.  I’m talking to you, paperboy.	The way people are just a little more generous and polite this time of year
Crowded airports and train stations	The hugs you get when you finally get where you’re going
The last minute preparations for dinner which nearly exploded in your face until just moments before people sat down	Lingering at the dinner table with your family on Christmas Eve
Kids jumping up and down on the bed trying to wake you up at 4 AM so they can open their presents	The look on their faces when they run down the stairs and rip into their stockings

Happy Holidays everybody!