You Can Almost Smell The Skank

So I was picking up a few supplies last night at the supermarket, waiting patiently in line to purchase my loaf of bread, milk and chocolate mud-cake. (There are benefits to living with a 39 week pregnant wife)

In front of me there is a haggard looking mother with her daughter. The mother has a black stained boob tube on, really bad bleach blonde hair and a face that could make leaves fall off trees. I would say on a skank rating of one to ten, she was an eight and a half.

Her daughter is aged about five or six and is yelling at her mum. Not actual words (yet) but indecipherable nonsense that sounds very much like a full blown tantrum.

“ARRRRGGGGGHHHH……..EEEEEEEAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH”

“Get over here now!” Commands Skank 8.5

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH……EEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH” screamed Miniskank, doubling her efforts as she went limp on the floor using this classic tactic with optimum effectiveness.

Skank 8.5 screams “I said get over here now!” dragging her by one arm, pulling her along the floor thereby countering her ‘limp body’ tactic.

“I HATE YOU” howls Miniskank as her mother picks her up to aggressively place her on her waif-like waist. At this point Miniskank turns into a Tassie Devil clawing at her mothers face, pulling her hair and trying to pull her boob tube down to expose her breasts.

“I FUCKING HATE YOU AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH” screams Miniskank in a pitch so high, that dog’s in the neighbouring suburbs lift their ears to the sky and think “Shit, I’m glad I’m not that kid’s mother! I mean, I eat possum shit and lick my own balls but I don’t do THAT!”   

After slapping her around a few times, Skank 8.5 makes her purchases with a kicking, screaming, spitting Badger hanging from her waist as the other shoppers look at each other like “What the fuck is going on, is this Badger being kidnapped or something?”

“Next please” said the checkout chick over the top of Badger-Girl. It was at this point that Skank 8.5 had finished her purchase and turned to walk out of the shop, catching my eye.

“You say one thing, fucker, and I will bitch slap you so hard you won’t know shit from stink“ her look said.

“I hate this bitch and I’m a selfish little turd that does this sort of thing all the time and gets away with it” her daughters look said.

“What a pair of lungs” said the checkout girl as the sounds of Skank 8.5 and Badger-Girl evaporate away into the car-park.