10 Things That Make Me Man-Happy
10. Men's Health magazine. Yes, Virginia, I know that paper-based pubs are one meteor strike short of extinction. And, having studied a pile of these magazines that I bought at a garage sale once, I know that they retread old content every year or so. But I still love it for the news, the exercise tips, and the Skechers ads with Ilsa the Austrian.
9. A one-pull lawnmower that actually starts with one pull. Last year I bought a new Craftsman mower, making sure this time to purchase one with a Briggs-Stratton engine. I fired that bitch up recently after a winter of inactivity...and, unlike my old mower, it jumped right back to life. Of course, now I'll have to find some other way to exercise my lats, so there's a downside to convenience.
8. A sturdy man bag. No, it's not a purse, asshole. It's a man bag. Get it right.
7. My kids' toys. Everything from Xbox to Floam. It's true: Having kids makes you a kid again.
6. Good coffee. And no, I don't mean "coffee that removes paint". I mean GOOD coffee, Seattle-style. My current fave: Intelligentsia, sold by the lovely ex-Microsoftie entrepreneurs who run Trabant in the University District.
5. The Shai X-rated clothing catalog. If all porn were this well-made, I'd never leave the house. Up next: Debbie Does Ronald McDonald.
4. Grilling outside. I love hot, billowing flames. They make me feel like Satan.
3. Visible abs. Me - 40 lbs. = happiness. It's nice to feel more energetic from eating well and exercising, but it's a whole new level of encouragement once you start seeing the results.
2. My wife's potty mouth. I love studious, intellectual women. I also love a woman who can flip the sailor-switch and get filthier than Susie Bright on a drunken bender. Hey, it's an acquired taste, but it's mine.
1. Yo mama. What can I say? She love me long time!
(Composed while listening to: "Coconut", Harry Nilsson, from Nilsson Schmilsson)