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July 18, 2006

Inside DadCentric: A Fascinating Behind-The-Scenes Look At How We Make Magic

Curious about how we decide what goes up on the site? Here at DadCentric, we take the subject of dadding very, very, very seriously (pauses to stroke beard and gaze upward in contemplation), and for the first time, we're offering you a glimpse into How It All Happens. The following is a transcript of an ACTUAL E-CONVERSATION that occurred earlier today, as we decided on a course of action after receiving the following press release.

I am pleased to announce the DVD release of Punky Brewster: Season 3, hitting shelves on July 25th. Synopsis: Punky is back and growing up fast! Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster) and George Gaynes (Henry Warnimont) star in another season of the unforgettable hit show.

Punky is faced with a new set of dilemmas, including boy problems and all that goes with them. It is in this classic collection that Punky becomes a gossip columnist, skips school, steals a pig and imagines life as a dog!

With best friends Cheri and Margaux, and her ever-present dog buddy, Brandon - who has a personality all his own - Punky will once again charm everyone she meets.

Jason: I know that Tony in particular is a big Punky fan.

Jay: Oooh! Ooooh!! Does this one have the episode in whch Punky makes friends with the girl whose picture she sees on the milk carton?? If so, I am SO there.

Chris: You just revealed that you know WAY too much about Punky B.

Jay: I am the king of full disclosure.

Tony: I prefer her during her "Punky Boobster" phase, personally. Otherwise, I believe the phrase that comes to mind is AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! (blood-spurting from gouged-out eyes)

Jason: Seriously, it would be morally wrong of me to pimp these DVD'son the site, since I lost all respect for Soleil Moon Frye after she went ahead with the breast reduction.

Jay: Truly. It was as un-American as burning a flag.

Dubya: It was an affront to men everywhere.

Jason: Agreed - when nubile young starlets opt to decrease their cup size, the terrorists win.

Jay: We should collect all of this snark and roll it into a post. 'Twould be great. (NOTE TO READERS: as you're preparing hate mail, please keep in mind that this whole endevour was Jay's idea.)

Jason: Oh, yes. Jay has a winner, and I shall edit and post this evening, although I expect you guys to back me up when we start getting the "she was only 15, you fucking louts!!" comments. (NOTE TO READERS: Er...peer pressure is bad; dads, always tell your kids that, you know, if your friend wanted you to jump of a bridge, would you, and so forth.)

Jay: Dude, **I** was only 15! It was totally legit!!

Dubya: Live-blogging the Punky Brewster DVD release - compelling comes to mind.

Pierre: I much preferred her work in "Funky Brewster 3" (NOTE TO READERS: Pierre sent along a link to a obviously fake nude photo of Ms. Moon Frye, which I did not look at because I was at work and then when I tried to open it at home it wouldn't work, $2000 on a fucking Mac that doesn't open porn? Where's my goddamn receipt? looking at naughty pictures is wrong).

Dubya: I'll have to look at that at home - damn corporate firewalls.

Jason: You do know that George Gaynes, who played gruff-but-lovable Henry, was the Commandant Guy in the Police Academy films. BTW - I kick ass at "Six Degrees of Steve Guttenberg".

Jay: Screw Police Academy. Gimme Night Patrol any day of the week.

Chris: It all comes back to Steve Guttenberg eventually. Christ, what a talented man.

Jason: Soleil should have followed Linda Blair's career path.

Dubya: Night Patrol? Pat Morita as a rape victim? About to go horribly wrong - whacks on...whacks off?

Tony: Was he behind the Blue Oyster club?

Jay: Yes, Linda made far better choices than Lisa Whelchel, who is forever lost to the scourge of Jesus.

Tony: How is it that Lisa Welchel can come up in two separate conversations I'm
having within ten minutes of each other? Behold. Can someone check to make sure the moon isn't blood-colored tonight? Is the
Guf empty? (NOTE TO READERS: that link might not work. This one does.)

Jason: Quick survey, fellas - Blair or Jo? (NOTE TO POTENTIAL ADVERTISERS: I swear we post stuff about parenting. Honest. Tomorrow I'll put up something about, I dunno, the many ways Play-Doh can enrich your kid's life, or some shit like that.)

Dubya: Jo - I'm not sure what that means if I were to sit on some doc's couch, but I still go with Jo.

Chris: Jo. Definitely Jo. Although put Mrs. Garrett into the mix and all bets are off.

Jason: I'm a Natalie man myself.

Dubya: I would have thought you'd go old school with Molly.

Tony: Deep down inside, I think Blair likes the rough stuff. I'll show her what
hot-saucing REALLY means...

Greg: I think Jo would say Blair. (NOTE TO READERS: Now, Greg doesn't post here very often, but by God, when he does it's GOLD. He's the F-117A of the DadCentric crew - stealthy, precise, and always on target.)

So there you have it. Punky Brewster, Season 3, now available on DVD, which upon my death I'm sure I'll be forced to watch for all eternity, strapped in a chair with my eyes pried open like Alex de Large, while Satan laughs with delight.


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