Hipster? Me?

Friday I received an email from a reporter at USA Today. Seems she'd read my review of Alternadad, and wanted to get my take on the whole "hipster dad" concept. Sure, I replied. On one level, I fit the stereotype - the whole dress-like-a-college-student, surfing, skating, "alternative" (when a band is featured on The O.C., doesn't that by definition negate their alt-status?) music listening thing. I guess. But despite all that, am I really a hipster? And why does my skin crawl at the insinuation?

My brother-in-law, now, he's a hipster. He's opened for We Are Scientists and the Cold War Kids, fer Chrissake. Yet I'm pretty sure that if I asked him about his hipster status, he'd respond with a blank stare. My theory is that those who are Hip don't really think much about it; I don't believe that the truly hip make a conscious effort to maintain that elusive status. They just do what they do, and dig what they dig, and go on about their business. Much like the rest of us.

So it's funny that here in the parenting world, the latest hot-button topic is the Hipster Parent. Much is being made over Alternadad as some kind of Little Red Book for today's modern father, with Pollack as a Ramones-loving Mao. I should clarify - much is being made by people who apparently haven't read the book. (Sorry, no links for you on this, as I don't feel like rewarding piss-poor writing with traffic.) The Hipster Parent, we are told, is a New Phenomenon! Parents who aren't ready to give up their pre-child lives, and who proudly embrace their Peter Pan complexes while trying to raise their kids! It's a whole new style of parenting!

Bullshit.

Here's something I remember for my days as a kid. My dad's soundtrack, which played on car trips and in the house when TV time was over, were the tunes of his time - the Beatles, Creedence, The Band, Cash, and Hendrix. Music he still listens to today. The pleasures of his life were the things that he loved as a kid - camping, fishing, canoeing, and if there'd been an ocean nearby I suspect he'd never have let my grandmother sell his original Hobie longboard (one of the first boards shaped by The Man himself - I think my grandmother sold it at a garage sale for $20, which is about $8,980 less than what it would be worth on eBay today); he taught me to appreciate those things and still makes the attempt to keep at them today.

So is it really so "revolutionary", this concept of fathers holding on to their music and passions and wanting their sons and daughters to dig what they dug? The styles change, as do the sports and the sounds, but the desire is still there, to be able to connect with your kids on that level, to share that part of oneself that's close to the soul. And if you take a close look at your own parents, have they completely eschewed the trappings of their youth? (As for mine, my mother, who as a teen once fought her way through the pit and ended up in the front row at a Beatles concert, recently went to Paul McCartney's show in Omaha; rock on, Mom!)

Of course there's nothing new about trying to bridge the parent-child generation gap, and I suspect that on some level, "hipster parents" know this, and embrace it. We carry a lot of stuff with us as we grow up, some of which remains an important part of who we are; the music that brings us joy, the writing that inspires us, the games that keep us energized. It's who we are, and aren't we told that one of the greatest lessons you can teach a child is to be comfortable in his or her own skin? So when I'm trying to teach my kid the lyrics to "Welcome to The Black Parade", I am, in fact, being very old-fashioned.

Comments

[whit]

Being a parent is hip in its own right. Hence Hollywood being baby crazy. Babies are the new black.

[CroutonBoy]

Well said, my friend. All the hype is just the machine feeding on itself.

[J in Ric]

great commentary man... we are who we are, right? I hate the whole labeling thing...

[iflyg]

Well said, Jason.

Growing up, I remember thinking how terribly old-fashioned and embarrassing my dad was because he was a huge Johnny Cash fan. I guess he was just 30 or 35 years ahead of his time....

[Holmesey]

Nice! It's funny, I think about the music I love and how my own kids might view it one day when they get old enough to have opinions about that kind of stuff. I truly don't know how I'll react when my kid tells me that Rage Against the Machine sucks. Heh.

[Whiffleboy]

"I truly don't know how I'll react when my kid tells me that Rage Against the Machine sucks."

Which is precisely why I listen to shitty music. I won't feel so bad when that day comes.

[Moxiemom]

I agree. Parents trying to keep their "hipster" status are just parents wanting/needing attention that has now shifted to their child.

These are parents who haven't yet started to feel comfortable in their skin, and probably haven't figured out who they are yet. Kinda sad. Subconsiously they might be feeding self-conciousness to their kids.

FYI, just found this sit and love it.

[JayMonster]

To be honest, I think it is the people that have "lost their groove" that have the biggest problem and are labeling this "hipster dad" thing.

They are people that older now have tried to Pass down "their coolness" to their kids, were thoroughly rejected, but now are bitter because their kids are now the cool dad they wanted to be.

They "gave up" what they thought was cool, for playing Bridge, and going to the Racoon Lodge, so how dare the kids (today's parents) get to still enjoy playing with an XBox or something when they were not "allowed" to keep their "coolness"

[Scott]

Maybe what it really comes down to is: am I being a poser, or do I listen to this music/wear these clothes/turn my kids on to these things because it feels like me, who I really am today (a moving target, to be sure)?

A couple of years ago I started tucking in my shirt, wearing my Stussys only to the beach, abandoning my Vans for more grown-up shoes, shopping in Banana Republic, etc., because I felt like it was time. I sometimes think I'm finally dressing my age (43), but honestly it's more about dressing the way that feels most comfortable now.

As far as music goes, although I do now unashamedly allow some "adult contemporary" into the mix, for me and my daughters, it's still about the indie stuff, and what they call punk these days, and hip-hop. Again, only because it's what feels right (it's only me listening on my iPod, and only me and my kids at home, so there's no one to "impress" anyway).

The whole Grups or Hipster Dad thing is media boredom, looking for a trend, I think.

And for some reason your post reminded me of that Roz Chast cartoon of the Adult Bookstore, with titles like "Do Your Taxes", "Life Insurance", "Marriage Counseling" in the window.

Ok, enough.

[mo-wo]

Yep it is a pitch. The mega-family-myth of the 50s and 60s that so much of consumer society is built on really needs to be tossed; treated like the blip it was. Families are a lot more normal and natural than sales machines would like us to think.

[Kara]

Two things:
1. People who call themselves hipsters are trying too hard.

2. My own parents are some of the coolest people I know. My dad is still turning me on to new music (and has a collection that puts my rather large closet of CD's to shame) and I stood inches away from the stage with my mom at the Pretenders last summer (SHE insisted we go).

It's tough to keep one's own identity once kids are born, but it's possible. This whole grup thing rubs me the wrong way because I get the hint that there's an implication that staying true to who you are after having kids means cleaving to immaturity and irresponsibility and days long past. That people who work really hard to maintain individuality and strong self-identity IN ADDITION to their roles as parent and spouse are somehow not as dedicated as those who martyr themselves to momjeans and minivans. Which, of course, is total crap.

Kids need parents, not best friends. As long as people are teaching their kids to be responsible human beings, who cares what they wear, what bands they follow?

[dansroka]

Good post.

Kara said "It's tough to keep one's own identity once kids are born, but it's possible." I'd say it's not only possible, but imperative. Kids can sniff out poseurs like bloodhounds. And there are poseurs on all sides: people who only play hiphop to their kids to make them (the parents) seem cool, as well as people intent on transforming themselves into Mary Poppins.

Not being true to yourself -- whatever the heck that is -- is a fast way to lose your kid's respect, as well as your own self-worth.

[Susan]

I've been, er, "heavily involved" in a couple "hip" parenting sites at the admin level for nearly five years. What I've come to realize over time is there is no such thing as a "hip" parent -- we're all just folks trying to raise our kids right... I know of folks who feel like they don't really "relate" to the mainstream image of parents in, say, parenting magazine, who might be considered hip by other people. "Hip" seems to be a label "they" apply, that isn't necessarily how the folks to which it is applied agree with.

I am *so* passing this site on to my husband... /mama chiming in

Me? I'm a huge geek, personally, with a penchant for Tool & the Go-go's admittedly. I might not be entirely conventional, but hip? I got two hips -- one for each of my daughters.