At the rate we're going, it's increasingly likely that Cheeky may end up being an only child. I like the idea of a little brother or sister for her to play with, psychologically damage, and eventually gang up with against us, but the work and commitment involved is a little daunting to us. And I've got the easy job...I don't have to lug the equivalent of a medicine ball strapped to my belly around for nine months....again.
So I was intrigued when I came across this story about support groups for parents of only children. I'm man enough to admit that if we decide to only have one child it will be mostly for selfish reasons, because it seems to me that caring for one child is like learning to drive a car, whereas caring for more is like flying a plane. Through turbulence. While Metal Machine Music is playing at full volume in the background. And a diarrhetic monkey is slapping your face.
What do parents with one kid have to complain about that isn't some less stressful version of what the rest of the parents in the world deal with?
I have to admit, there were some compelling reasons given, not the least of which is the pressure of being a toddler's primary playmate, which I can totally relate to. Until I teach Cheeky to operate the Xbox controller and/or she reaches drinking age we're going to be spending a lot of quality one-on-one time in her terms. It's a lot of fun, but 24x7 can be a huge drag.
On the other hand, there's the "social pressure" of having just one kid. There's a lot of people out there (many of whom may be readers of this blog) who raise an eyebrow or make comments like, "Why bother having kids if you’re only going to have one?"
Everyone I know is already on their second (or third, or fourth) child, and they are all thrilled and having a great time. I'm seriously happy for them, and can totally see the benefits, but for my wife and I we just don't get that same tug that everyone else seems to have.
I frankly have no patience for anyone who tries to pressure us into more, and I'm especially pissed if someone asks Cheeky if she wants a brother or sister. Leave her out of this...this ain't her decision!
I feel bad if anyone has to join a support group to deal with that. Many of the people in the article seem to have a good attitude about the pressure ('They're children, not potato chips.") and the kids all seem to be doing great. I'm glad that parents can get together to share stories and tips with people they can relate to. But if you're a parent of an only child (or considering it) don't let the voices around you drown out the voices in your head (unless the words "kill" or "burn" are prominent in that dialog). You should make your decision based on what's best for your family, not what other people may think is best for you.
It seems to me that there's a lot of more important factors in what makes children grow up happy, well-nurtured and successful than whether or not they've got an older or younger sibling.
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