Not a Vin Diesel movie review

My son is in desperate need of a 12-step program or the patch or some aversion therapy.  And his mother and I have not been much help, the enablers that we are.  He needs it when he wakes up.  He looks for it immediately after getting out of the tub.  He has it in hand before he finishes his last bite at dinner.  He uses it to make a point and he uses it while he's deep in thought.  He has secret stashes - inside a toybox, in the back of a drawer, stuffed in a pillow case.

The it?  His pacifier...his binky...his paci.

I know, I know.  He's two.  We should have broken him of this habit a long, long time ago.  But it soothed him and that was really important when Little Dubyette came a long.  Not only did it soothe him, it stopped the brain-melting, nails-on-a-chalkboard whining.  So, rather than pull a Van Gogh, it was easier to give in and give him the pacifier.  Aaaahhhh, blessed quiet.

However, it's gotta go.  It's a habit that needs to be broken; has to be broken.  But, dear Lord, the whining.  The whiiiiiiinniinnggg.    We're trying to be strong.  For now, he only gets it at bedtime, but we're trying to phase that out as well.  Hopefully, in a few days we'll have nipped this in the bud.  Hey, stop judging me.  Yeah, you.  The one whose daughter has her thumb in her mouth.  Need the name of a good orthodontist?

Oh, yeah - any suggestions on coping with the whining breaking this habit are greatly appreciated.

Comments

[Ryan]

My kids don't use pacifiers for this exact reason (difficulty of breaking the habit), but every paci-using parent I've ever talked to has said that one of the best ways to kill the habit is to have a "paci party". Make a big show of going through the house to find all the pacifiers, empower the child to find them and put them in the collection bag, and then "donate" them to "less fortunate children" (i.e. the dumpster). Make the child feel "big boy" by voluntarily giving up the paci, even if it's painful, and passing them along to the babies who really need them.

Might work, might not. FWIW 2 might be a little young for a kid to understand a party like this, I dunno.

[Holmes]

Ouch, my sympathies man. We would be in this exact same boat had my son taken the pacifier, but when we offered it to him as a newborn, he spit it right out. I had no idea babies ever rejected pacifiers, but apparently some do.

[Jay]

I had two thumb suckers, the dentist is already prepping us for the orthodontist, anyways, a friend of mine had his son use his paci as currency to buy a special toy that the son picked out. Took him to Target, had him pick out the toy, and then had his son pay the clerk with the paci. Just another thought to add to the mix.

[MrsBigDubya]

In fairness, as an infant.... he had no interest, he was all about his thumb. It wasn't until he started the hard core teething that he got into it and it seemed to be the only thing that offered him any relief, so despite hating it -- we couldn't refuse.

Now we pay the price

[whit]

Thing 1 just stopped wanting it on his own. Thing 2, at 17 months, still enjoys it, but the time without has increased.

I'm not going to force him to stop unless he has it in his mouth on his way to college.

I figure, he'll either outgrow it, or the other kids will make so much fun that he'll only do it when nobody is around. There may or may not be tears.

[croutonboy]

I wrote about this a couple months ago, too. Got lots of great advice.

didn't take any of it. I went in to Cheeky's bedroom yesterday morning and gave her a SECOND one because she couldn't find the first and she wasn't sleeping well.

I'm an enabler, but to your point...the blessed, blessed quiet is soooo sweet.

I'll be watching this closely for advice myself.

[Clay]

A co-worker told me she used a razor blade to cut a very very small hole in the end of the pacifier. Eventually it got bigger, and the child quickly lost interest in the "popped" pacifier. She never said a word about it before or after.

[MonP]

My first liked the paci. We just threw them away and dealt with a few bad nights... but, that's ONE kid.

Our second is a thumb sucker. Can't take that one away!

I did watch the Super Nanny show once and she did the whole "Pacifier Fairy" thing. They took all the pacis, hung them from a tree in a gift bag and the "Paci Fairy" brought the "big kid" a special present in return. Not a bad idea... once the fairy takes the paci the child knows they are gone forever.?? Just a thought.

[Fear and Loathing in Stepford]

I wouldn't try "popping" the pacifier. Once there's a small tear there's a chance more of the plastic can break away and choke the kid and I'm pretty sure we don't want that. Kiddo was late to break the habit, but mostly because she was The Biter In Class and with the binky, she didn't bite. We went away and broke the binky and bottle habit all at once (she was on bottles VERY late at the rec. of our pediatrician b/c she wouldn't/doesn't eat anything and was underweight). We simply go to our destination and "Oh, look at that, they don't have binkies/bottles here." then we kept her busy with other stuff- she ate honest to goodness real food and took the longest naps of her life on that trip. And that's the truth.

[UWSParent]

We were fortunate that we didn't have to deal with this with our daughter (believe me, we dealt with plenty!) but had several friends who did. They all said what worked most effectively was having their child be part of the process of getting rid of the pacifier. Whether it was taking them all to "give" to a new baby (which the recipient's mother then tossed), or having the child pick out a new toy at a store and then "pay" for it with the old pacifiers (while you slip them a credit card)... it helped reinforce that the pacifiers were gone. And when their child(ren) whined for the pacifiers they were able to say "remember - we gave them to baby So and So" or "remember, you got your new Dora game by paying for them with the pacifiers." I don't know if it will work but it's a suggestion. Good luck.

[DaddyCJ]

We started by cutting back when our boy could have it, saying it was a night time and nap time thing. My wife had a big plan to ween him away from it, but we lucked out and he did it on his own. The plan included giving them to "baby" - some friends had a newborn. The "last" pacifier was going to be taken to a build a bear store and have him place it in the animal of his choosing. then he would always have it with him, but not HAVE it in his mouth.

[Eric J]

I read about the Stockholm Zoo has a tree that parents take their child to when it it time to move on from the nook. They talk about it before hand as a way to prep their child into wanting to leave infanthood behind and become a big girl/boy(thing).

Best of luck, we stayed away from pacifiers and we ae glad we did.

[Jason]

Our daughter never did the pacifier thing or suck her thumb, so we were lucky there.

I'm not about to give anyone attitude about giving their child a pacifier, some kids need 'em. No one knows what's best for your child other than you.

[Jessica]

oooooo the binky wars!!!!
I am so happy I won those. (one of the very few battles I have actually won)
Raisin Boy was "On the Bink" until he was 2. He had a serious additction to them. I say them because there were many more than just one!!!
When he went to bed he had one in his mouth, one in each hand and there were some dispersed through out the crib just in case he woke up and had lost the other three. All I have to say is
"WHAT A FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASSSSS!!!!!!!!"
At his 2 year appt I followed the pediatricians advice.
*One Binky for One Week
*One Binky for only at night One week.
*After that one week cut the tip off of the ONE BINKY.
*Continue to cut the ONE BINKY a little more every night.

The theory is supposed to be that it can still be a security object with out screwing up their mouth from constant sucking.
I got very lucky with Raisin Boy!!! After that first cut he didnt want it any more. He would ask for it at night and I would give it to him with the cut off end and he would look at it and give it back to me.

The only problem was every now and then I would go to pick him up at Daycare and with the all the other babies there On The Bink he would get upset when he saw other kids with one but that too passed.

I hope this helps...Good luck..."Parents Unite as one in the Binky Wars"

[dgm]

I think two might be a little young for him to understand any involvement in the process (like "paying" for a toy in binkies), but cutting back and limiting the places he can have it is a good idea. We did that with my son and his blankies because he insisted on carrying not one, but two, around everywhere. He didn't really take to the binky for too long.

My 9 y.o. daughter was a long-time thumbsucker. It was her comfort, and I have to admit that I was of the mind that if she needs it to comfort her, that's okay (even though I think the thumb is even worse for the teeth than a binky.) Sometimes adults are so focused on stopping certain behaviors that they dismiss the importance of self-comfort for kids. With all the changes going on in a 2 y.o.'s life, it can be very soothing to have an old standby like the binky. I know that you're worried about the orthodontist, but if you limit binky time to bed at first and then gradually impose more limitations eventually he will find alternative ways to soothe without the trauma of letting go of this thing he's come to rely on all his life.

Rather than tell him he has to stop because it's for babies, let him figure that out for himself. I once tried that "it's only for babies" thing with my son, and he cried and said, "but I want to be a baby!" Being a big kid sometimes seems scary to them, esp. if they have a younger sib.

Also, sometimes if a kid knows you want something from him, he will resist all the more (as you will see with potty training). This leads me to more general advice: when considering how to deal with parenting issues think about where the potential loss of power is for them and find a way to let them feel empowered without endangering them. And think about how a loss of your own power might not be the end of the world (e.g., maybe it's okay if my kid sleeps in her favorite dress, which I find ugly)

The rambling ends here.

[Nancy R]

Our oldest used a pacifier (Pippy) until a few months before her third birthday. We were down to one pacifier by then, and determined not to buy any more when...we lost it. She'd had it on our bed and we pulled all the bedding off to search for it but it didn't turn up...until the next day.

The night it was lost we told her that we couldn't find it (she was helping us look) and that she'd have to go to bed without it and we'd look more tomorrow. She went to sleep so well that we decided that the pippy should STAY lost.

Over the next two weeks there were some rough moments - particularly at bedtime and naptime - until she finally moved on...or so we believed.

Near the end of a vacation trip three months later, impatient with waiting for the grown-ups to FINISH EATING ALREADY because she was tired she bellowed, "I WANT MY PIPPY!" in the middle of the restaurant.

It's a moment burned into my brain with Mommy Guilt.

But, that was pretty much the end of it.

The next kiddo was a thumb-sucker, and the third didn't use either.

[p-man]

We have a spare room. I doubt you will hear the whining from here.

[Mrs. Jason]

Why does it need to go now? Esp since your kid still really wants it? We waited until almost 3.. at 2, well.. they are still babies really. There is so much going on in this big world that they can't control or understand, if a binky gives them a little comfort in the dealing, why take it away? If the kid needs braces, he will need them regardless of if you take it away now or 6 months from now. I was a thumb sucker until 5 and never needed them..

Close to 3 we did the big boy thing and that binkys are for babies. We dreaded the day that we would have to wrench the thing from his mouth. You know what? One day we couldn't find one at nap time, and he still fell asleep. Later we told him that all his binks much have gone to "binky-land" to be with the babies. He "got it" and has binky-free for 8 months now.

Good Luck!

[(un)relaxeddad]

Ours hung onto his until he was three. Then he announced that he was now a "big boy" and threw it in the bin. And that, amazingly, was that. Another parent commented to me that one of hers held onto his dummy right up to reception class (age of four) but that it was never seen again after the first day. That first day must have been brutal, though.

[DadCentric's Very Own Jason]

One word: cigarettes.

[landismom]

With both my kids, we did the cutting-off-the-tip thing, and it worked. We would just hand them the cut-up binky, and they'd look at it and say, "it's broken," and then throw it out. Heaven.

I will say, I still have one binky in a cabinet somewhere. It's hard to imagine that I'm nostalgic for them now, but there are moments when it would be nice to have something to stop the screaming;)