The Midsummer Report

Actually, there's not a whole lot to tell. Here are the highlights of the Avant family summer:

• Lucas' vocabulary has become downright Milchian, a mishmosh of the typical three-year-old's patois and middle management boardroom-speak. Example: during an in-car milkshake negotiation, we stated that yes, you may have a milkshake IF you finish all of your dinner (including the apple slices!) first. His response, and I quote - "But this will be a problem! Because I need to have room for the milkshake!" He does not yet use the term "cocksucker", preferring instead "poopyhead".
• We've spent a ton of time at the beach - I bitch and moan about having not taken a real vacation in 7 years, but we live within walking distance of the Pacific, so maybe I should shut the hell up. Point is, the boy loves the ocean, and has started to ride his boogieboard. And asks me at least once a week when my friend Ted is going to build him a "big boy surfboard". (I got all teary typing that.)
• For lunch this past Monday, we ate Hoffy's Extra Lean Beef Franks. They were surprisingly tasty. I tell you this because both Beth and I receive, literally, dozens of pitches from various PR/marketing types to highlight, test and review their products on our site. Most of these products are head-scratchingly bizarre (at this point, I went back and scoured my Gmail account so that I could provide some examples, but then realized that by doing so I would be giving out free publicity to the manufacturers of said bizarre products, so you're going to have to trust me on this)...anyway, I got some free hot dogs in the mail, they were good, I'd buy 'em. And I just realized that I ate hot dogs that were sent to me in the mail. Well, I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is.
• Back to the vacation thing. We are, Beth and I, sans Lucas, going away for our Anniversary Weekend in August. We'll be heading up to San Francisco, staying at a posh hotel, eating great food in the greatest city on the west coast, arguably the U.S. (I like to think of San Francisco as California's New York City, sans the multitudes of rude assholes.) At one point, Beth had sent me info on so-called "babymoons", which are weekend getaways for "parents", usually to hotel/spa type places, where the "parents" receive special treatment. Here, for example, is the package offered to "parents" (you see where I'm going with this?) by the W Hotel. Wow! What dad out there wouldn't want a copy of The Modern Girl's Guide to Motherhood, or a membership to Modern Mom Dot Com? Hey! W! Kiss my ass! 

All in all, it's been a good summer. They do seem to go by at a rapid clip - really, there's what, five more weeks left? Kind of sad, really. Labor Day will be upon us in no time, and all of the tourists who flock to San Diego will be gone, and the beaches will be empty, and the weather will still be sunny and warm...eh, who am I kidding? Hurry up, Fall!

Comments

[Joshua Gruber]

When we stayed at the W Hotel in NYC I was fascinated by the little kit of lube, condoms, and other fun items located next to the mini-fridge. Perhaps that would have been a better "parents" gift--though I would have to point out that it was positioned in plain view where our two-year-old could easily extract reach it.

http://www.whotelsthestore.com/item.asp?curr_item_id=734&cat_subcat_id=undefined

[Holmes]

I can't believe it's almost August. Summer used to be longer. Or was it shorter? Shit, I can't remember.

[Doodaddy]

Have a great time visiting our fair town! Don't forget, though -- summer is the chilly season. Bring sweatshirts!

Sure I'll see you at the playground...