We Can't All Be Brad Pitt in "Cool World"

It wasn't long after my last post that my daughter tired of Dora and started demanding her constantly -yelling cousin Diego at nap time.  I'd dreaded this, partially because he has empty, soulless eyes (like a shark) and partially because every time Rescue Pack starts singing I'd wish he'd transform into an explosive device and blow himself up.

Despite our efforts to insert the occasional Backyardigan* or Wonderpet into her diet, though, she's committed herself body and soul to rescuing obscure animals like spectacle bears and pygmy marmosets with Diego.   Early on, as I was watching with Cheeky and pining for the good old days when elephants and horses were cool enough animals, I had a startling and mildly uncomfortable realization.

Diego's sister Alicia is kinda hot.

This isn't the first time I've thought this about a hand-drawn character.  Judy Jetson and Daphne both played important roles in my pre-pubescent development.  Angelina Jolie's got nothing on Jessica Rabbit.  And don't even get me started on the entire female cast of Heavy Metal.  Hell, I'll bet there's more than a couple readers who smurfed to pictures of Smurfette in their day (I'm not one of them, but I know they're out there). 

But I'm old now, and I couldn't help but thinking there's something a little "off" about this fascination with Alicia. 

First of all, she's supposed to be an 11-year old.  I know kids are tarting up younger nowadays, but that's definitely not good.  Then I noticed she drives a car!  The driving age may be different in whatever tropical country they're living in, but come on!  That's some mixed signals you're sending, Nick Jr.

And then there's the fact that it's a children's show.  That I'm watching with my daughter.  Having naughty thoughts about Laurie Berkner is one thing, but the leap from her to Alicia seemed like a chasm too wide to cross.

Then last week I was talking with my brother-in-law while Cheeky was helping Diego and an armadillo win some jungle race.  He glanced up from our conversation at the TV and asked, "Who's that?"

"That's Alicia, Diego's sister," I responded.

"She's kinda hot."

Yes!  Redemption!

Maybe I'll put that poster of Alicia on my bedroom ceiling after all...

* While we're at it, can someone please tell me what the hell Uniqua is?  She looks like a undeveloped pig fetus to me.

Comments

[whiffleboy]

One word: June ("Little Einsteins")

[Pamela]

You are totally cracking me up. If you are familiar with the Dora oeurve, you'll know that Alicia is at least 15, having gone through that rite of passage known as the quincenera. Still... a 15 year old? Oh, and I share your feelings about the mystery of Uniqua. At least the others are recognizable, but, is she some kind of bug? lizard? Nothing seems to fit.

[whit]

There was speculation that Uniqua was a ladybug, but I've also read that the she is "unique, like her name."

I always had a thing for Dora's mom. I like a woman in a robe.

[Susan]

Heh. Around '99 on hipmama we had this huge discussion about how Steve from Blues Clues was teh hawt. Also the Kratt brothers & various & sundry other kids show hosts. Not so much cartoon, but stuff we were all watching with our kids anyway. It culminated in one of the members actually scoring an interview with Steve. They have to make these shows somehow somewhat just a little bit palpable to us parents too!

[Ryan]

The best guess I have for Uniqua is that she's some sort of hippopotamus with a bad skin rash.

Also, along the same vein as your post, I'm so happy (vindicated, even?) to hear someone else thinks Laurie Berkner is hot.

[honglien123]

Uniqua's my favorite! She's a tomboy, and per wikipedia a "pink creature with polka dots". Do you really need anymore explanation?

This post reminded me of my love for Sven from Voltron when I was a kid. I think they killed him off or something. :sigh:

[Mark]

At the risk of sounding like a perv, I would (if I was not already with the most beautiful woman in the world) do naughty, naughty things with Laurie Berkner. Yeah, I said it.