The House at Blog Corner

There is a question which ebbs and flows throughout the pages of this parenting and blogging community.  What, exactly, are the consequences of the actions we now take?  It has been addressed on this site before.  It may very well be addressed on this site again.  That, of course, is the nature of the tide.

Some of us talk openly of our children.  Some of us hide their identity.  We share photos or we don't.  We tell tales and we change the names of those involved, or we out them with open and festive embrace.  These are choices made on a personal level, but the results of those choices are anything but private.  In this age of the internets our children are exposed as never before, and more often than naught it is the loving hand of the parent pushing them onward.

I suppose that most of us that fall within the label of "Mommy/Daddy Blogger" have done so for similar reasons.  Namely, we love our children.  We are proud of them.  We are excited about them.  Thirty years ago we would be showing their photos over water-coolers and pints of ale.  This forum, the blog, this is our water-cooler.  We were pulled here from places far and thrown together for subjects dear.  This is not a community built on the exploitation of children.  This is a community built on love.  We are proud.  We are a pride.

Yet, we are prey.  There are those out there that mean us harm.  They wish harm upon our children.  For this, among many, is perhaps chief in the decisions to hold things secret.   

This is the result of technological advances, but it is not new.  83 years ago A.A. Milne wrote the stories of his son Christopher Robin and published them for the world to read.  They brought a father and son closer together.  They brought them joy.  But it was short-lived.

The father found himself unable to be taken for anything other than a writer of children's stories.  This frustrated him for the rest of his life.  Still, it was his bed and he lay in it.

The son soon outgrew the shadows of the youth forever captured in the books of his father.  He went from enjoying the fame of his character to being haunted by it.  He grew bitter and distant.  Father and son grew apart, which is not the most uncommon thing to happen among grown men, but it is among the most undesirable.

No parent wants to be resented by their offspring.  It is hard enough to lose their hugs and dependence, but to alienate them by actions of your own hand, that cannot taste anything but sour.

Christopher Robin grew up to marry his first cousin.  He rarely visited his father and after A.A. Milne's death the son never returned to visit his mother for her remaining 15 years.  What darkness must have filled him when his shadows were left behind. 

Are we too creating worlds of words that will one day cause more heartache than the joy we now feel?  By putting our children on a stage viewed by an endless audience are we providing the fodder of therapy sessions and acts of rebellion?

I hope not.  I hope we are raising a generation able to accept and understand, even appreciate what we do.  Isn't that the reason that many of us first started this journey to begin with, to leave pieces of us behind that forever showcase our love and our happiness?  We are able to offer a glimpse into memories otherwise forgotten.  Isn't that alone enough to chance what we share?

I am faced with my own mortality and I want the world to know me at what is surely my finest hour, now, when I am a father.

Raising a child in the age of the blog offers the opportunity to write our own storybooks.  How it ends remains to be seen.

I don't want my children to outgrow their playthings, just as I know they must.  I can only hope that when that day comes they understand that which I have done and promise not to forget about me, ever.  Not even when I'm a hundred.

So they went off together.  But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.*

 

 

 

*taken from the ending of The House at Pooh Corner by A.A. Milne

Comments

[MammaLoves]

So bittersweet.

I'm sad to hear that CR was a shit in the end.

I can't think about the days when my boys won't want to know me. There are cetainly moments when I wish they didn't know my name, but the concept of them walking away forever...I'll have to think about that tomorrow.

[Holmes]

I started to write several comments earlier, but couldn't quite express what it was I was thinking after reading this. I think you nailed the part about wanting to leave something of ourselves in a permanent format for our kids to look at later and know us more fully. I know I always value stuff like that from my own family, though admittedly, none of it's in a public format. I tend to think, though, that since our kids are coming up in an age where life is more easily made public by the internet, digital photography, blogs, etc, maybe they'll have less anxiety about it.

[Jason]

It's definitely a minefield. Apart from what we ourselves write about our kids, there's always that chance that some other entity will take advantage of what we choose to share for their own seedy purposes.

Case in point: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetjuniper/1398158017/

[ImPerceptible]

I would love to show the pictures of my kids around the water cooler. My biggest concern is I have no way of knowing if one of the people looking is a pervert with his hand down his pants. If my children were babies or even pre-schoolers I don’t think I would be as concerned about what I wrote or the pictures I posted. When they were little they were never out of sight and I knew they were safe at all times. I don’t have that luxury anymore. There are so many things you can’t control when they get older and that worries me. As far as being harmed by predators goes, my daughters are fast approaching the most dangerous time in their lives. I’m not willing to take the chance of adding to that risk, no matter how small it may be. I worry about enough without adding pedophilic internet stalkers to my list. I don’t use their names or pictures for my peace of mind. They few times I have posted a picture someone could use to identify them it made me uncomfortable, and I took them back down. I sleep better that way.

Privacy is another issue and I wouldn’t post anything about them that I wouldn’t want to read about myself. Once again toddler stories are fairly harmless. I don’t think everyone at the park needs to know the exact date my daughter bought her first bra. It means nothing to me, but at her age that is very private information. I’d feel like I betrayed her confidence. I don’t want them to feel they can’t tell me their problems because they might end up on my blog, and then in the hands of some kid that might not be nice about it.

I also like to remain anonymous because I never know what I’ll type up and I like that freedom. I don’t want that to cause problems for my kids. The area you live in makes a difference on how candid you can be. I live in a small town.

In twenty years I would love for my kids to be able to read what I’ve written. When they are adults with children of their own I think they would enjoy the craziness that makes up the bulk of my blog. I don’t think I’d want them reading it before then though.

[Darren]

Like you, I'm open with first names and pictures--and it isn't that hard to dig up my last name. I hope, along with MammaLoves, that our kids won't be so anxious about what we write. I'm also struck by ImPerceptible's comment that "I wouldn't post anything about them that I wouldn't want to read about myself." I agree--the time will come to stop blogging about our kids--I'm still not sure when that age is though yet.

[Jen]

I like the comment that "I wouldn't post anything about them that I wouldn't want to read about myself" but I wonder if we as parents still will look at that with foggy glasses. As you say we are proud of who they are but there will come a time when what we write will seem harmless to us but everything to them. Such a fine line.

[TheDadMan]

Thanks for writing this. I just started a blog and am struggling with what goes on it. Right now my main focus is to share the experience of being a dad and not documenting what my kids specifically do. I will most likely never post a picture or state a real name. I just find it comforting to "speak" openly with other people about parenting and sharing the positive instead of the typical bitching I often hear from people about their children (Although I am certain to have an entry or two or three or four about how hard it sometimes is). Thanks and keep up the good work.

[Sheryl]

In the olde days when you whipped out your wallet photos, people kind of didn't want to see them. Does anyone remember that? So now we blog and we show pictures of our kids to total strangers. Is it because our friends and family don't want to see them, or because we need other people to tell us how cute our kids are or how great we are at parenting? I know that it's a community but am I the only one who thinks it is getting out of hand?

[Leigh]

While I write about my daughter frequently on my blog, I write primarily to challenge myself, and to hone my writing skills. I think children today will grow up and participate-if they don't already-in our very online world, a world filled with text messaging, MySpace pages, blogs, etc. So I don't think that they will really be all that freaked out about their parents indulging in the same. And I don't think that out there somewhere is someone using my blog to hunt down and harm my little girl; unfortunately, she is more at risk from someone who knows us-and her- and can thereby gain her trust easily. So keep writing!!