When Football and Gossip Collide!

Like many households around the country, my wife and I engage in a battle of the remote control that can sometimes take legendary proportions.  Most of our battles occur in the early evening.  While she wants to watch "Entertainment Tonight" or "Access Hollywood," I'm constantly trying to switch over to "SportsCenter" or "The Jim Rome Show."  It can get damn ugly sometimes.

So imagine my pleasure when I found myself alone for a few hours on late Saturday afternoon. The wife and the kid were on an all-day Ikea run so I had the remote all to myself.

I settle into the couch and start watching the Georgia-Alabama football game.  Classic SEC battle. The two physical teams have battled into overtime and Georgia has the ball with a chance to win. In the midst of this tense moment, football analyst Mike Patrick apparently loses his mind and starts having the weirdest conversation in sports broadcasting history. I can't even begin to explain how weird it is so here's the transcript:

While the crowd of 95,000 spectators in the crowd is going crazy and screaming at the top of their lungs, Patrick turns to fellow broadcaster Todd Blackledge and says "I've got an important question."

Blackledge: "Go ahead."
Patrick: "What's Britney doing with her life?"
Blackledge: "Who?"
Patrick: "Britney."
Blackledge: "Britney who?"
Patrick: "Britney Spears. What's she doing with her career?"
Blackledge: "Why do we care at this point? Is she here?"
Patrick: "No, I don't think so."
Blackledge: "Is she even a football fan?"
Patrick: "Oh, I'm sure she is."

During this exchange, the ball is snapped and Georgia scores WINNING TD!

One of the best college football games of the season and Mike Patrick is talking about Britney Spears and her career?  What the fuck?  Does he not know about the separation of church and state?   If I want to fucking worry about Britney Spears' career (which I don't,) I'll tune into "The Insider," alright?  I certainly don't want to hear about it during overtime of the Georgia-Alabama game!

This is why I don't take my wife to football games.  While I'm watching the action on the field, she'll turn to me and say something like, "You know, I really don't like the Redskins cheerleaders outfits.  Fuschia is so out this year!"

Maybe Mike Patrick can come watch Giants games with us.  The two of them can talk about Lindsay Lohan while I slowly bury my head in a plate of cheese fries!