Self-deprecating self-doubt

You know when you're out with the guys and some time during the night one of your buddies (maybe you) looks around and says something so serious, so lacking in humor, that it sucks all the funny right out of the room?  Others may have thought something similar at some time or may even be experiencing it at that very moment, but, like guys often do, there's an awkward silence, some sideways glances and then a "How 'bout them Bears" comment.  This just might be one of those times.

I have been, of late, questioning my abilities as a father.  Yes, yes we all mock one another and offer self-deprecating jibes, but I think the humor (at least in my case) hides the fact that I haven't got a clue what the hell I'm doing or if what I am doing is a good thing or will eventually drive my kids into (alert: parent blogger cliche ahead) years of therapy.

I think what is driving this sense of inadequacy (why do I feel like I'm in a Cialis commercial?  Do they make an Enzyte-like drug for parental enhancement?  Look: an attempt at humor) is that I can't seem to control my 2-year-old.  And by control, I mean just slow him down to Tasmanian Devil speed.  I know this sounds ludicrous.  It is.  Many of you will say, "Dude, he's two" and, of course, you couldn't be more right.  I know I should embrace his reckless abandon, his wanton stubbornness and personality swings that would make Sybil look normal, but if I have to say, "Stop hitting your sister," "Get off the table," "Stop clotheslining Little Dubyette," or "It's not nice to use the Camel Clutch on baby" I might lose my f'in mind.  I know my problem stems from the fact that I am attempting to use logic and reasoning with a child; a child whose grasp on these concepts extends only as far as "if I scream loud enough, not only will I get mommy or daddy to come see me, I will also get my sippy-cup filled."  But, I take the fact he ignores me as evidence that I am failing him in some way; that I am not reaching him on some level.  That or he just likes the sound of my voice.

I know this is a phase; something he will grow out of when he's 25.  Thankfully, I also know I'm not alone.  But, when we all try so hard to have a positive impact on our kids and things don't seem to be going according to plan, I think a little freakin' out from time to time is totally warranted.  Dude, this parenting thing is tough.