If Nautical Nonsense Be Something You Wish...

As a token of my appreciation for my lovely wife, I bought her an iPhone.  Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but, how often does a girl give it up to her best friend?  Rarely ever.  That's why I shower her with cool techno-gadgets instead.  Anyway, last weekend we went to get some breakfast and pulled up a Sponge Bob video on the iPhone to entertain the little one.  She was becoming a bit disinterested in the whole dining experience, so, a little video action was just the ticket to buy us a little peace and quiet.

We didn't think much of it since the volume wasn't very loud in comparison to the ambient noise in this particular fine dining establishment.  You could barely make out anything the little cartoon dudes were saying - at least we couldn't.  She was happy and we got to finish our meal like real people do.  Whatever works, ya know?

Fast forward to yesterday when my wife was at the grocery store.  They're on the magazine/paper towel aisle and the kid is watching said Sponge Bob video again.   There are a couple of other folks in the vicinity when - all of a sudden - with relatively no ambient noise to interfere, there is unleashed a barrage of profanities and sexually explicit language from the little absorbent and yellow and porous sea creature (and not from our mouths for once!) with enough volume and clarity for everyone in the immediate area to hear oh-so-clearly.  "What the fuck!", my wife yells (God love her) as she scrambles to find a way to close the video without dropping the damn thing.  She manages to power it down and figured out a way to divert the blame to some sort of "voicemail mishap" the kid supposedly stumbled across.  Genius, actually. 

In reality, we had been inadvertently allowing our 3.75 year old to watch this Sponge Bob video (**explicit language**) instead of the innocuous one we thought it was.  She hasn't uttered the word "boner", "ass cheeks" or "titties" yet, so, we may be in the clear here.  Regardless, perhaps a little due diligence on our part is in order next time.