The time we're given on this planet is finite, and in the time that each of us is given, it's up to each of us to do what we have to do to be the people we want to be.
How's that for a cryptic opening?
Last night found me sitting here at the table furiously pounding out the end of my last paper for this semester. The paper's not due until Saturday morning, but my wife is due to give birth to our second child in just under two weeks, so I figured, ya know, maybe I'll just go ahead and tie that puppy up. It's my second semester of graduate school, and at the pace I'm going, I'll probably have a degree in hand right around the time my kids are shopping around for my hospice care.
There have been moments this semester when I've wondered if I was doing the right thing by going after a master's degree and working full time with a two year old and a pregnant wife at home. I wondered at times if perhaps it was too much to ask both of myself and of my wife, my constant supporter, my biggest fan. I wondered if it was too much time away from my son, who lets me know in no uncertain terms that he's missed me when I've been gone all day. It was especially hard on those days when I came home from work to find my wife frazzled, my boy unnapped, both of them clearly beat down by the day. By comparison, I was refreshed and well-rested, even though I'd been at work all day. But then I only had a little while with them before I had to turn around and head out again to go to class. Times like that, that little nagging voice inside would start dropping the guilt-bombs.
Thing is though, I believe that part of our parenting is how we live and the example that we set. I feel very strongly about getting this degree, not just to add it to my impressive pile of academic achievements (huge, I tell you), but to move into the line of work for which I'm being educated. From the first day of class, it's required all manner of unglamorous sacrifices on the part of both my wife and I, and it's probably going to continue to be that way until I'm done. It's a risk, no doubt about it. But if I'm too afraid to take a risk to go after the life I want, then what do I teach my children about how to live their lives? What kind of example does that set? Parents have an obligation to keep their kids safe, but at the same time, I don't want to teach my kids that they must always live safely.
I take this whole husband and dad thing very seriously. It's both my duty and my desire to be present, engaged, involved, and right there in the middle of both the fun and the not-so-fun times that are part and parcel of family life. And I am. I'd have it no other way. I look at guys who aren't involved in their kid's lives and I just hurt for both them and for their families for all that they're missing out on. But honestly, I think that I would ultimately shortchange my family if I don't give it my all to achieve the things I've set out for. So there's a balance that has to be struck, and it's not always pretty. In fact, it's often quite messy, and we just have to be okay with that.
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