I'd like a Sid and Marty Krofft theme

"When I was a kid...."  Isn't that the way any anecdote starts when some old fogey wants to talk about how things were different (read: better, harder, simpler, boring-er) when he/she was a kid?  I'm not going to talk about walking to school in snowstorms, or gathering around the wireless to listen to The Shadow, or awaiting the arrival of the iceman (no, not Val Kilmer) in his horse-drawn wagon.  No, mine is much more mundane - to us as adults, that is - but right up there with Christmas in the eyes of a child.  Birthday parties.

Now, when I was a kid (you just knew it was coming, right?  No?  Are you even paying attention?)...anyway, when I was a kid, birthdays were right up there with Christmas - maybe even a little bit higher because it was all about you.  Hell, even if it wasn't yours, they were always big events.  You could end up at several birthday parties throughout the year and gorge yourself on ice cream, cake and other sweets while playing silly games like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, blindman's bluff or spin the bottle (oh, wait a second, maybe that was later).  Parties were always in someone's basement or kitchen or at a local bowling alley or pizza joint and the theme was simple - "Hey, it's your birthday.  Enjoy your cake and presents."  No Princesses.  No Sponge Bob.  No Handy Manny.  No frills.  Just white paper plates and Styrofoam® cups and maybe some conical hats emblazoned with "Happy Birthday."

Now it's all about theme parties.  Coordinated plates and cups, streamers and balloons, tablecloths and napkins.  There have to be special order cakes and a special guest is a must - usually an out-of-work actor wearing some atrocious costume - or else your party is just some pedestrian exercise in frivolity, rather than the tres chic, tutti di tutti extravaganza every five-year-old yearns for.  But, wait, there's an even more disturbing trend: requests for no presents.  NO PRESENTS!  WTF?  How else are you supposed to determine who is the better friend?  "Well, Aidan did find this very cool Buzz Lightyear with the laser that's really a lightbulb, but Stevie found this really cool Death Star with working superlaser.  Aidan, who?"

This is just my over-ranting way of getting to a question for all you fine folk out there.  If you get an invitation to a birthday party and it does say, "No gifts please," do you follow the invitation's request or do you ignore it entirely?  And, as a follow-up, do you feel guilty when you show up with nothing and everyone else has ignore the request?  Is a stack of TV dinners an appropriate gift?  (that's for you Sarah)

Comments

[George Romaka]

All my childhood stores tend to start with, verbatim, "When I was, like, 10...". Apparently I was ten years old form birth to high school...

As for the presents, I usually just bring a card. If I'm unsure of whether or not I should disregard the request, I get a $20 gift card to Best Buy, and if everyone else is bringing presents, I slip it into the card.

If nobody brings presents, I now have $20 to spend at Best Buy...

[Whit]

I usually bring a gift anyway. It's the kid's birthday, not the parents, and I'm pretty sure they didn't sign-off on the no gift clause.

[Kara]

Funny you should bring this up.... we did a "no gifts" party this year. Kiddo "invited" people to donate to a local charity. I felt good about it at the time, now feel as though she should have been allowed to just get presents already. But her birthday is so close to Christmas, blah blah blah. Many guests came with a donation and a "shh, Kiddo this is just for you". The best part about those whispered little sumthin'sumthins' on the side transactions? The parents actually made eye contact and had a personal moment with her. Oh and we spent a ton of money on theme and rented out her gymnastics school. So, I guess we're every bad yupppie stereotype- but you knew that about us already.

[Arwen]

We have been to a party where they asked us to bring dog and cat food for the local shelter. We still snuck a present to the kid but the kid were so proud when she brought all the stuff to the shelter. The thank you cards were of the child at the shelter and it meant a lot to her.

[whiffleboy]

Who are these kids? Where can I get one?

[Angela]

We were invited to our first birthday party and it was "no gifts" but I work with the dad and just told him we wanted to bring something and suggested books. Because you can't have too many books! (I work in a library, so I was pretty sure that would work.) It was only a 2 year old bday party, and there wasn't any charity thing, cause actually that animal shelter thing sounds cool if that's really the child's idea.

But I know what you mean. We've kept all holidays pretty low key, even Christmas for years starting well before we had a kid. Our challenge will be to stay that way. Christmas we really try to do a lot of homemade gift things. The big second birthday is coming up and we'll see how we do on that. Now once he sees other kids birthdays and can tell us his hopes for his special day I can see this getting harder.

[City Girl, Country Address]

Your kid talking about star wars was on CNN Headline news this morning :o)

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Buck up little camper. I WISH I got invited to parties that said no gifts.

[Angie in Texas]

forget the "no presents" thing - what about the freakin' party favor bags at the end . . . I mean, WTF?!

when i was a kid (god i hate myself for saying that) it was hot dogs, potato chips and cake and ice cream (ice cream cake if your parents were cool). now it's themes and BAGS for your GUESTS - bags with REAL STUFF like make up for the girls, webkinz and what not!!!

[JayMonster]

Well, we haven't had such a party yet, but have attended a couple. We have selected a charity (if one wasn't provided), and made a donation in the child's name, and included that with a card.

[Kev]

Our daughter Lucy just turned 1, so we had a party for her. Nothing special, I made carrot cake and fajitas (and stocked the fridge with Newcastle for we dads). Made the invitations myself and clearly put at the bottom "No Gifts Please". I did that because we went to a 1 year old's party in Oct and brought a card with $5 because when I was a kid, I didn't get $5 in a card until at least age 10. Of course everyone else brought lavish gifts of clothes, toys, etc and I felt like a schmuck. Needless to say, every couple we invited clearly ignored our request and brought all kinds of useless crap.

[Timothy]

I'm on the fence about the whole birthday presents thing. My wife and I have been pretty low key for the most part with parties and for my birthday we usually just go out to a nice dinner.

That being said, with my daughter's 4th birthday party we are renting out a gymnastics facility for a couple hours, getting a pinata and doing a mesh of princess/pony theme with a heart cake we're baking ourselves. And yes, party favors are part of the whole thing. everything said and done - it's probably $400. For that kind of money I'd just as soon toss the kids in the back yard grill up some carne asada and let the kids play with the chickens.

We do subscribe to the no gifts thing - mostly because it's all useless crap anyways. She's got probably 30 stuffed animals (half of which were my wife's when she was a kid), hand me down legos, tinker toys, and more books and stickers than we have space for. This year we're going to start on an idea I read about - for every gift that comes in the door, another has to go out to charity.