If you've been on the internets this week chances are you've run across David. David is a little boy that was filmed by his father after a trip to the dentist. Big deal, you say? Well, considering that David is hopped up more than Kate Moss on elephant tranquilizers it makes for good television- or YouTubevision as the case may be.
The first time I watched this I wasn't sure if I should laugh or be upset that a dad put this on the internet, but after much thought (about 2 seconds) I realized that the dad in question is being quite loving and that the video was not created out of any sort of malice to David, just as a funny memory. The fact that it became huge on the internets isn't the father's fault. It's ours. I'm okay with that.
As is the standard with popular videos, David's moment of fame has been copied and responded to by countless others, Mr. Chad Vader among them. This is your brain on the dark side:
Remember, good padawans brush their teeth.
[via GorillaSushi]
You and the Mrs. settle in for a special Valentine's night movie, and all you can think of when you see the actress's tongue stud is, "Whoa -- I forget to take out our daughter's earrings and clean them."
We're sure that you're all aware that Valentine's Day is coming up; February 19th 16th 13th 14th is the day that no self-respecting husband/male significant other forgets. So to help some of you guys who blew it last year by buying your wife that Xbox 360 that you'd she'd always wanted, the good people at ProFlowers.com have kindly donated 5 free flower bundle-thingies - oh, I'm told that they're called "bouquets" - to us, to give to 5 lucky winners. And what do you have to do to win?
Simple. In the comments, tell your best Valentine's Day Story. And by "best", of course we mean "worst/most embarrassing/the one that led to a three-night couch camping trip". Because we here at DadCentric strive to overcome the stereotype of the father as an inept, insensitive douchebag, and what better way to do that then to publish anecdotes about dads fucking up Valentine's Day. Thanks to modern technology, we can allow you, the general public, to vote; we'll close the comments and vote at 12:00 PST this Friday. You can atone for past mistakes, plus ProFlowers.com delivers, so you won't even have to drive to the florist, which is good because remember that time you went to pick up flowers for the missus and oh, there's a topless bar right next to the local FTD and ten kamikazes and a free cheeseburger lunch and two lap dances later you forgot to pick up the flowers? Yeah. So does she.
AND NOW WE ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS!
This was a tough choice; everyone had an interesting story, but we narrowed it down to these 5, whose tales of Valentine's Day woes reached the depths of Greek tragedy:
Thanks again to all of you who submitted comments. And let these tales serve as a reminder of the high cost of gift-giving failure. Four days to go until Valentine's Day, people.
"Yep. Or 'Oh my goodness'. That works just as well. Better, even."
"Oh. How about 'Oh my God'?"
"Well...you see, that might upset some people. It's not really a nice thing to say."
"Oh. What's God?"
(Long, long, long, long, long pause.)
"Well. Hmm. God. Well, some people believe that God is what made...everything. And different people believe in God in different ways. There are Jewish people and Catholic people and Christians and lots of other religions."
"Religions?"
"Yeah - a religion is...it's a way that people believe in God. Some people believe in...one God, like Jewish people. Other people believe in God, but they also believe in Jesus...that's why you don't say 'Oh, Jesus'. Because that's disrespectful."
"Oh. Did you know that 'Jesus' and 'cheese' rhyme?"
Ok, I've got a little something from the files of Captain Obvious. There are some unthinking, presumptuous and clueless parents out there. Now, all together, one...two...three...duh, no shit Dubs. I know this is an obvious statement of fact, but allow me to elaborate if you will.
We went to the Children's Museum this past weekend. We had a great time and even convinced ourselves that a membership might not be a bad idea - we like to support our community resources and, well, we're cheap and a membership is good at a bazillon other places. Save money FTW! Anyway, my wife was filling out the paperwork and had our youngest at her feet. I was busy keeping the other two from climbing on the Triceratops or swinging on Foucault's Pendulum. Now, enter another mom and her elementary school-aged daughter who apparently thinks my youngest is something from the Baby Alive line and starts stroking his face and playing with his feet. Now, he doesn't give a shit, he likes the attention and will happily put up with whatever this girl has in mind. My wife, however, is getting a little annoyed and tussles C's hair a bit - much like a lioness would pet a cub - a subtle sign making it known that he belongs to us and she will rip someone's throat out should anything happen to him. I turned to the mother and fixed her with a stare that said, "I think it's time for you and your daughter to explore the museum - post haste." She responded to one of those two acts and went on her merrily oblivious way, grubby-handed daughter in tow.
Some of you are saying, "Wow, a lot calmer than I would have been." And to that I say, sure, but it was also a public place and I'm not one for making scenes in front of a lot of other children - not the right message to be sending to them or to mine. But, I would have liked to tell this woman to keep her daughter away from my son, he's not part of the exhibits. Except with one or two more expletives thrown in, of course.
What say you? Is it now common to just walk up to someone's baby or child and treat them like a doll by stroking their hair or playing with their feet without permission? Am I supposed to be more tolerant? Are you sure I just can't dope slap someone? Even if I don't use the hand with my wedding ring? Can I kick them in the shin?
Needless to say, no one was quite as stoked for a new version of this classic PBS show than me. Unless it was my daughter.
For all her wisdom in the ways of Hanna Montana and Pokemon, her reading skills have never been overwhelming. She needed summer school after first grade and barely escaped it after second. But weekly tutoring and the 4 DVD Best of the Electric Company helped quite a bit in the past year. One of my prouder accomplishments is that I can say aloud "T-I-O-N" and she'll follow with "shun-shun-shun-shun" before you can click the close button.
On Jan. 19, the 2009 version of The Electric Companydebuted four episodes. I TiVo'd the suckers, popped up some microwave kettle corn and sat down with Thing 1 to watch and learn. After a little more than two episodes, she gave up. Her most repeated comment, which I scribbled down three times during the shows, was "lame." Those were interspersed with the periodic "hate it."
Obviously, the show has been radically updated for the modern moro- ... I mean, child. The promos and reviews I read all mentioned how it's geared toward today's video game addicted, CGI-dazzled, hip-hop loving 6- to 9-year-olds. That's fine. I'm all for letting children dip their broccoli in ranch dressing to make it go down easier. But this new version may be more like drowning it in butter, Cheez Whiz and maple syrup.
Rather than wall-to-wall skits and jingles, the new show focuses mostly on a group of neighborhood "kids" (one of whom looks like he's busting to get to a frat kegger) with super powers that let them produce "word balls" from their fingertips and throw them up on walls. Some other kids called the Pranksters (the two guys here look like Pee-Wee's Playhouse rejects) want to steal these powers. Why anyone has these powers to begin with and what they use them for other than killing time between songs is a mystery.
Thing 1 greeted these sections with a yawn. To me, these plots -- all of which required voiceover explanations at the start of the show -- moved like snails carrying anvils across flypaper. Maybe my Power Ranger-loving son would have dug it, but I couldn't pull him away from his Nintendo DS to watch.
The show has lots of flash: Wachowski-wannabe graphics, quick cuts, musical blare and lots of beatboxing. Lots and lots of beatboxing. Sooooo much beatboxing. Pffft, pp, pffft -- shut up already, annoying pasty guy who looks like the city-raised cousin of Kenny the Page from 30 Rock!
Frankly, I'm not a fan of most rap but I can see how its rhyme schemes and repetition lend itself to teaching language. And if it's what the new breed digs, so be it. However, many of the songs on the new Electric Company are just loud, muddy and hurried. They leave no breathing room between lyric and lesson. Generally, I found the few nonhyper tunes, such as a recurring reggae cartoon character and the songs leaning more on R&B than urban stylings, generally more catchy to my aged, suburban white boy ears.
The problem may be that where the original show relied on ad-men who wrote insanely catchy jingles for soap flakes and canned pork-and-beans for its songs, the new show depends on help from the musical team who wrote Broadway's "In the Heights." I live a commuter-train ride from the Great White Way and I've yet to encountered an 8-year-old humming something from that score.
I know I'm stuck in the past and Thing 1 is tainted by the viewing classic series, but I'm sure the new show will have its fans -- just don't count us among them. I truly hope it is as successful as its predecessor. But a word of advice to the people behind the 2009 version: either drop the token homages to the original Electric Company you are awkwardly throwing in or at least take them up a few notches?
For example,if you are going to have the two people in silhouette put words together could you, as Thing 1 pointed out, stop making it sound so random and choppy. The words should flow seamlessly with the rhythm and melody as such:
Why is Paul the Gorilla randomly roaming the streets of today's inner-city? In a costume that's even cheesier than the 1972 version, no less?
Finally, if the new kids must scream out Rita Moreno's "Hey, you guuuuuys!" catchphrase, have them put some heart and soul in to it! Belt it from the loins, children, from the loins!
Enough bitchin'. Someone please cue the wah-wah pedal:
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