Fromage Rage

Scene:  Dinner.  Monday, 6 PM.  Casa de Cheeky.  Cheeky is assembling and disassembling Balloon Lagoon on the living room floor.  Her father is helping. Her mother enters from the kitchen.

Mother:  "Cheeky, what do you want for dinner?"

She is greeted by silence.

Mother:  "Cheeky, what do you want for dinner?"

Father:  "Cheeky, your mother asked you a question.  What do you want for dinner?"

Cheeky:  "Um, noodles!  And meatballs.  I noodles and meatballs."

Mother:  "Do you want pasta noodles or mac and cheese.  Mac and cheese is noodles you know."

Cheeky:  "No!  I want noodles!  And cheese!  And mac and cheese!  And meatballs!"

Father: "Wait, do you want mac and cheese, or do you want noodles that aren't mac and cheese?"

Cheeky: "I want mac and cheese."

Mother:  "Do you want your meatballs mixed in with your mac and cheese?"

Cheeky:  "Yes, I want mac and cheese and meatballs."

Father:  "She wants mac and cheese with meatballs."

Mother:  "Got it.  Keep her busy while I make dinner."

Time passes.  The games in the living room continue.

Mother:  "Dinner is ready!"

Father:  "OK, Cheeky it's time for dinner."

Cheeky rises and climbs into her chair at the dining room table.  Her mother places a plate of mac and cheese with meatballs.  Cheeky screams and begins wailing.

Cheeky:  "NO I WANTED NOODLES AND MAC AND CHEESE!"

Mother:  "Sweety, you asked for mac and cheese!  And mac and cheese are noodles."

Cheeky: "NO I WANT NOODLES WITH MAC AND CHEESE!"

Mother:  "So you want me to mix in other noodles with your mac and cheese?"

Cheeky, sobbing:  "Yes!"

The mother and father share a look.  The mother returns to the kitchen and pulls a box of pasta from the shelf.  The father brings Cheeky's plate back into the kitchen.

Father, whispering:  "She's crazy"

Mother:  "After this I'm leaving. I'm going to kill her if I don't. She's your problem until bedtime."

Father, rolling his eyes:  "Thanks..."

The mother returns to the dining room with a plate of mac and cheese with pasta added. 

Cheeky:  "NO I WANTED CHEESE ON THE NOODLES!"

Father:  "Cheeky, that's what mac and cheese is!"

Cheeky:  "NO ON THE NOODLES!!!"

Father:  "So let me get this straight.  You want mac and cheese and noodles...and cheese."

Cheeky:  "Yes!"

Mother:  "Of course. Anything else wouldn't make sense..."

Minutes later, the mother returns with a plate of mac and cheese, with noodles mixed in and shredded cheese melting on top.  The dish smells like summer in Wisconsin.

Mother:  "Is this OK?"

Cheeky:  "Yes!"

Mother:  "Good.  I'm out."  She grabs her purse and walks out the door.

Father:  "OK, Cheeky.  Do you want me to cut up your meatballs?"

Cheeky:  "Yes, I need you cut up my meatballs."

The father begins cutting meatballs in half.  Cheeky begins to scream. 

Cheeky:  "NO DADDY!  I WANT TO CUT UP THE MEATBALLS"

Whatever, kiddo.  I just don't want it to affect your performance....