Your Cheatin' Heart

Let's get something straight right up front. I am not a prude. Nor am I priggish, prissy or, for that matter, altogether prim or proper. Pshaw. And even though I might once have been an altar boy, that was a long time ago. But even I think that some things might just go too far in what might otherwise be considered civilized society. I think ashleymadison.com might just be one of those things. No, I'm not linking there. If you wanna go, you type it in.

Listen, I know people are going to cheat. Like the Gloved One says, "it's human nature." But, do we, as a so-called polite society, need to be so blatant and "in your face" about it? We've all seen ads in the back pages of local, alternative papers a la The Boston Phoenix or some such. MWM seeks SF for intimate encounters. MF looking for secret fun. They were clandestine; relegated to the 1-900 and escort ads.

Now? "Life Is Short. Have an Affair." That's what an ashleymadison.com ad screamed in Times Square last year. Is that what we've come to? Why not: "Hey, buddy, isn't it about time you stepped out on your wife with Betsy in accounting?" Or, "Hey, Mary. It's hot. You're hot. And that pool boy sure looks inviting, doesn't he?" There was a time not so long ago when adultery was frowned upon; when participants got rooms in No-Tell Motels for a lunch-time quickie. They did this not because it's to be celebrated, this cheating on one's spouse. It's because adultery is wrong, some would say even morally reprehensible, and those who engage in it know it is. That's why they skulk around. Not ashleymadison.com however. For them, it's millions in memberships and dollars and advertising everywhere from CNN and Dr. Phil to ABC News and Fox. I don't begrudge them their millions. Obviously there's a market for it. But I'm not going to laud them as if they're providing some great service to humanity.

"Divorce Is Not an Option." That's the new tagline they're running with right now. In some cases, that might be true. But counseling is an option, is it not? And, if couseling doesn't work? Then you know what? Sadly, divorce really may be all that's left. Some will say that divorce might clean them out; that they have kids and don't want to put them through that traumatic ordeal. Ask yourself: What's better? "Mommy and daddy think it would be better for everyone if..." Or, "Your daddy's a two-timing son-of-a-bitch who can't keep it in his pants?" Or "Your mommy's legs have an open door policy." I'm thinking the former, honest with one another approach might avoid your kids having to get some therapy down the road.

Finally, ask yourself something else: How do you explain these ads to your kids if they see them on TV or hear them on the radio? "Daddy, what's ashleymadison?" "Um...well...uh." Yeah, that might get kind of tricky, dontcha think? There are some things I don't think you should have to explain to your kids. Shit, the birds and bees are going to be tough enough. No need to add any other animals into the mix.