Shake your harumph-a

Son-of-a-bitch. I've gone and gotten old. O-L-D. And not in an age-related way, mind you. Although some of those people I call friends might say differently. No, it's far more profound and disturbing than that.

I've gone and gotten old in my opinions. My perspective has changed and although I should attribute that to some level of maturity, as an old clothing ad once stated: Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up. Things I once found cool? Meh, not so much anymore. But what troubles me more is that I have opinions and thoughts about people and events that I once swore I'd never utter or, for that matter, think. I've become...shiver...judgmental. I may be a parent, but that doesn't mean I have to become my parents.

I know what you're saying: "What the hell, Warren? What in God's name are you talking about? Has senility started to take hold or something?" No, not quite, though I do sometimes forget to wear pants, but that's neither here nor there. I'm always better with examples so allow me to regale you with a vignette.

Tuesday evening I popped into Taco Bell to pick up some dinner for me and the missus. Apparently, maturity doesn't corrupt one's palate thankfully. Anyway, I was waiting for my order to come up when a young couple pushing a stroller entered. Nothing remarkable there, right? Well, no, if that's all I told you. But you know there's more because you're smart like that. Her: sleeve of tattoos, ripped tank top, multiple piercings; Him: shaved head, more piercings than her, beard like a billy goat (shake your rump-a), two sleeves of tats and more. First thing that pops into my head? What the fuck does he do for a living? Honestly, first thing. I was so ashamed. What difference does that make to me? Why should I care let alone ask myself what it is he does for a living? For all I know he's a corporate attorney by day and a Cenobite on nights and weekends. She might be a school teacher - maybe the type Van Halen envisioned - but a teacher nonetheless.

I am not happy about this eventuality...not happy at all, Bob. I must try and make a conscious effort to be less like those adults I looked at sideways when I was younger or the next thing you know, instead of expressing my disdain with words, I'll just go around harumphing all the time and muttering about kids today. Hey! You! Get off my lawn!