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August 13, 2009

Toilet Graffiti

When he's not drinking beer professionally - you think I'm kidding? He's Managing Editor for All About Beer magazine - Greg Barbera can be found blogging over at his personal site, The Chest Pains.

For several years now my 9-year-old son Spencer has taken to pooing naked. Because of this he tends to not want to take dumps at school or in public places. I don't blame him. I have a fear of taking dumps in public places myself - a fear I had to confront while potty training my youngest to do Number 2.

But I soon discovered that it wasn't just elementary school or public places - turns out he has an aversion to taking a dump anywhere but at home.

Because of this, the boy can take some massive shits and more than once I've had to step in a stop the toilet from overflowing due to his overuse of tee pee and the volume of his dookie. I have told him time and time again that it is just not healthy to hold your poop in. 

He confessed to me that he doesn't like to smell up other people's bathrooms.

I explained to him that it's perfectly natural to stink up a bathroom - not only is it normal, having a stinky ass is genetic. 

It is a Barbera family trait that has been passed down from generation to generation.

He then further confessed that he felt embarrassed when he left streaks in the toilet. Yet another reason why he couldn't use anybody's else's latrine.

"The streaks," he said, "that's like toilet graffiti."

So there you have it - my son won't poop in your crapper for fear of leaving his shit ass tag...


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