DadCentric

Fly On the Windscreen

Ah, Father Time 2009. It is well nigh time for you to beat feet. Pound sand. Make like a tree and get out of here. Please do not let the door hit you on that old man ass of yours on the way out. No, don't turn around. We're just making ready for the baby. Baby New Year that is. No, you can't help. You've done enough damage. You've pushed people to their limits, pushed some harder than they should ever be pushed in a lifetime. Please don't be offended if I don't shed a tear for your departure. Buh-bye. Wait one minute. Before you go. If you don't mind, could you take Jon Gosselin, Levi Johnston...no, no, Imma let you finish, but can you take Kanye, Achmadinnerjacket, Hugo "Try the Veal" Chavez and, well, damn this "how can we miss you if you won't go away" list is getting long. I guess that's it for now. Buh-bye.

In all seriousness, I can't remember a year I have been happier to see go. Usually as the end of the year approaches, I find myself waxing nostalgic, thinking about years past and wondering where the time has gone - hoping in vain that it might just slow down a bit.Maybe allow me some time to smell the roses as it were. But this year? Is it 11:59 pm December 31, 2009 yet? C'mon. Tap, tap, tap. I think my watch might be broken.

Worst Dads of 2009

In the past 12 months, who has proven himself to be among the Suckiest of the Sucky Fathers in the Entire Universe? ("Entire Universe" is defined as "cursory searches I performed on Bing.")

We had plenty to chose from in 2009.

Jackson family patriarch Wacky Ol' Joe is always good for a nomination. Then he was kinda right about Michael being murdered. No room for that here, people.

Balloon Boy dad Richard Heene? A delusional publicity whore, yes, but he didn't actually put his son in the balloon before launching it into the stratosphere. Though he did name the boy "Falcon" so maybe ...

Tiger Woods? Many didn't realize he had kids before Elin took a divot out of his face, so he gets a bye this round.

Without further ado, DadCentric presents The Worst Dads of 2009:

Ricky Gervais Brought to You by the Letter N

Does your kid need help sleeping? Try a celebrity lullaby. Or Mr. Ricky Gervais.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today - The PetCobra Trio

No children were harmed in the making of this video, although at 2:29 I come pretty close to clocking Zoë with my bass. Merry Christmas from all of us at DadCentric!

 

I Wish It Was Christmas Today (Fallon, Sanz, and Some Other Guys)

 

?uestlove is alright, but he's no Tracy Morgan.

How To Survive The Week Before Christmas

Disclosure time! As part of my job as a VTech Voice, I was asked to write a post about how to keep dads involved with holiday preparations. Now, many dads are willing and eager participants in Family Holiday Fun, but a few of us are not. To avoid having the ghost of your dead clock-watching slackass business partner show up with three of his dead eggnog-swilling buddies, here are some suggestions on how to make the most of these last few days leading up to Christmas, from DadCentric Christmases Past.

Put On Your Jammies - it's The Tizzle Wizzle Show!

Watch out, Yo Gabba Gabba. You've got some competition. It's The Tizzle Wizzle Show, and it's pretty sharp.

LEGO Star Wars - A DadCentric Toy Review

Not since chocolate fell in peanut-butter has there been a better example of two great tastes coming together than the ultimate toy mash-up between LEGO and Star Wars.  Also, less filling.

As you know, we're big believers in the power of the force and the lure of the brick.  The two together? That's awesome squared.  See, those math classes are paying off.

Needless to say, when the opportunity presented itself for me to review some LEGO Star Wars products I jumped at it.  Insert "in less than 12 parsecs" quote here. 

Avatar: The DadCentric Review

 Many of us can still remember the first time we saw Star Wars - not Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope, that CGI-facelifted-Greedo-shoots-first-cashgrab - but the original, in all of its 70mm glory. I saw it in a movie theater in the suburbs of Omaha; my mom took me on opening day, and the hype hadn't reached our little corner of the Midwest. (It would, and in a hurry; we drove past that theater a couple of days later, and the lines were around the block.) And when that bigass Star Destroyer came out of the top of the screen and kept on comin', I'd never look at another movie the same way again.

Of course, we grow up, and though many of us still utter lines like "I'd say about twenty guns, some on the surface, some on the towers" and "what an incredible smell you've discovered!" with only the barest hint of cynicism in our voices, nothing's really ever done it for us, we geeks, like that flick. And you know, maybe nothing else ever will. Moviemakers have gone to the well, trying to capture that magic, and in doing so they've drained it. Hell, George Lucas went to a few different wells himself - most notably Campbell's, Kurosawa's and Mallory's. We've gotten remakes and big screen versions of classic trilogies/comic books and of course sequel after sequel after sequel. My kid's current favorite TV show is a cartoon version of a war only mentioned in a single line in a movie, and even then by a holographic version of a space princess. Will we ever get something as new, as paradigm-shifting as the original Star Wars? Probably not in my lifetime.

But holy shit, James Cameron's Avatar comes close.

Just My Imagination, Running Away With Me

Unused Lincoln Logs are strewn across the carpet looking as if the homesteaders who had recently finished this cabin were at a loss for what to do with the additional lumber. The pioneers, a 12" GI Joe and a Dali-like Mrs. Potatohead survey the land. They tower above their log cabin. A lilliputian structure in no way able to accommodate these giants. No matter. Together, the couple look at their Tinker Toy silo some inches away and begin to make plans for the land. But GI Joe knows they must also think about Indian attacks and cold winters and runs to town, Ma. However, these thoughts are cut short as Evel Knievel, astride his trademark red, white and blue motorcycle, careens through the idyllic scene, knocking over the silo and crashing into the recently finished log cabin. The idyll shattered, GI Joe helps Mrs. Potatohead look for a lost eye. Ahhhh, Christmas.