DadCentric Asks: "What Do You Want For Mother's Day?"
Sunday is Mother's Day (right?), so we thought it would be fun to ask some of our favorite moms what they hope to find under the Mother's Day Tree. What? There's no such thing as a Mother's Day Tree? Ok. Well, here's what they hope the Mother's Day Bunny brings.
Tanis, the Redneck Mommy: "I want my kids to sit by my feet and pluck my toe hairs one by one while singing "The Bitch Is Back" by Elton John. Short of that, I will accept handmade cards, cereal in bed, and for them not to roll their eyes when I ask them to clean their rooms. I'm fairly easy."
Erin Kotecki Vest (Queen of Spain): "I want the same thing I want every day...TO RULE THE WORLD...oh, wait...I mean...um...diamonds and a puppy, and to sleep in."
Jett Superior: "This year my fondest wish for Mother's Day is a month of amnesty from a common practice in our home: It is the one where I, exhausted, remove my bra at the end of an asschewer of a day, rub my tired and somewhat achy boobs and my husband becomes all lecherous and involved like I'm giving him a private show or something. Are you reading this, Maxim? What I want for birthing and not doing away with our children is one month of rubbing end-of-day boobs (much, much different than Saturday night party boobs) without drool and clever remarks."
Kristen Chase (The Mominatrix) "Time. (No bottle necessary - unless it's Dom P). There's just nothing like the gift of a few quiet hours without any appointments to wait for, soccer games to drive to, or children singing their 400th rendition of Wheels on the Bus. So grant that special mother in your life some peace and quiet this Mother's Day. Ship her out the door with a credit card in her hand or a spa gift certificate tucked into her purse (with a pre-scheduled appointment, of course) and consider your work done. And if your George Constanza wallet has gone on a diet this year, just take the kids somewhere and let her enjoy the peace and quiet of her own home. Just make her promise that she won't lift a finger, except to call for take out."Megan (Undomestic Diva): "For Mother's Day, please skip the kitchen appliance aisle at Target and forget the mani/pedi gift certificate from the local salon. Instead, I'm longing for something hand-crafted and sloppily painted, preferrably made of dyed, uncooked pasta shells and yarn in pretty pastels and on construction paper that has been unevenly cut by chubby fingers and good intentions, wrapped clumsily in tissue paper and secured by an entire roll of Scotch tape addressed "To Mom" via a wide Ticonderoga pencil, the contents of which I'll know far before I get it open thanks to an overzealous kid who is so! excited! to give me his gift."
Sugar Jones: "Tulips in a vase. Crepes drizzled with chocolate sauce. A morning in the sun with my kids. All very lovely. But what I really want for Mother's Day is one more afternoon with Rico Suave."
Kristine (Wait In The Van): "I'd love to tell you that I am not the type of woman that hopes for jewelry, spa-treatment, or a gift card to the plastic surgeon. But that would mean that I don't have two *lovely* boys that like to build weapons of mass destruction in the backyard. So this Mother's Day, remember that a journey of a thousand miles is better when there are shiny things to distract you from all. that. love."
Marsha Takeda-Morrison (Sweatpants Mom): "What do I want for Mother's Day? I know I should say something profound like, "The unconditional and everlasting love of my children," but I've got that already. What I really want is a big, shiny, new Breville 800 espresso machine. That big hunk of stainless steel would make me really happy, and with a strong shot of espresso in my hand you can bet I'd appreciate that unconditional, everlasting love even more."
Tricia Honea (DadCentrician Whit's wife and the mother of his children): "I would love to have breakfast with the family and then the rest of the day to myself. No laundry to fold, no dishes to wash and no demands on my time."
Beth Avant (DadCentrician Jason's wife and the mother of his children): "One day - just one - of not having to deal with the crying, the whining, the pouting, the moaning, the refusing to eat veggies, and the tantrums. That's just from my husband; if the kids would do this, hey, bonus."
Jenny, the Bloggess: "I prefer homemade gifts. Like a two-hour musical based on my life. Something simple."