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June 04, 2010

30 Days of Dads: Ron Mattocks, "If They Only Had A Dad Blog"

Ron Mattocks is the hardest working man in the dad-blog-o-sphere. He's either posting over at his blog Clark Kent's Lunchbox, writing for Houston Family magazine and as a Featured Contributor at Man Of The House (a great new site for guys, in my unbiased opinion), or busting his hump promoting his book, Sugar Milk. He closes out our first week of 30 Days of Dads with this look at some other dadblogs, written by some familiar faces.

Let me start off by saying thank you to the talented team at DadCentric for this opportunity to guest post today. When you're talking about the big dogs, these are the guys. I just hope I can hang for the day with my farce of an entry that speculates what famous fathers might write about if they had a blog.

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Jim-Bob Duggar: Raising Kids By The Numbers 

Blog entry dated February 1, 2010: Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Ever since #0019 arrived things have been crazy around here. But what am I saying, it’s ALWAYS crazy around here. I know, excuses, excuses. #0019 is doing just great by the way, although we have had some problems with #0018 adjusting—case of the “jealous-ees.” (Someone really enjoyed their special year being doted on by mommy.) Well, we all have to grow up sometime, #0018, and besides, you’re in good hands with #0005 raising you. Oh, and to that one troll out there who keeps criticizing me for using numbers instead of names, I do that to help clarify for the readers which child I’m referring to (go to the “About Us” page for the name/number key code); it’s not because I can’t remember them. Why I know the exact number of hairs on the heads of Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jesa, Jinger, Joseph, Joseph II, Joy-Anna, Jasher, Jancer, Jixen, Jomet, Jupid, Jonner, Jitzen, Judolf, Jigsaw, and baby Juice-Bowl. More importantly, I love them all equally. Well, I got to cut this post short. Mamma Duggar’s ovulating, and we’re up for a contract extension with TLC. Cross your fingers and keep us in your prayers. – JBD 

Thomsa Jefferson’s The Fathersonian: A Dad in the Enlightened Age 

Blog entry dated July 5, 1789: Happy (Belated) Birthday America! Indeed what a triumphant day, not just as a reminder of this great nation’s freedom, but as a chance to gain freedom from the grind of my office. (Bless you Alexander Hamilton for suggesting the idea of government holidays.) It was wonderful spending the afternoon with the children and watching them in the pursuit of happiness. (Hey, we didn’t just make that part up for grins and giggles you know. LOL!) We went for a picnic at this quiet spot not far from Monticello. After lunching, the children flew kites courtesy of my good friend Ben Franklin (#FF him on Twitter at @Poor_Richard). They were overjoyed by the experience, especially little T-Jefferson who clapped and cheered the entire time. (Where do they get all that energy?) Everyone says he looks like his mother, but he’s definitely got my chin. It was good to see my girls Martha and Marry finally accepting T-Jeff (my affectionate nickname) as their brother. Being in a blended family has its ups and downs just like a new nation coming together, but witnessing all my children playing together yesterday brought a tear to this old politician’s eye.

PS. The Fathersonian now has a Facebook Fan Page. I would be in your debt if you were to go there now and click “Like.”

Bruce Jenner's Olympic Dad: Fatherhood’s a Decathlon, Not a Sprint 

Blog entry dated April 5, 2007: Typically I won’t do product reviews on my blog. I get probably thirty emails a week that start off with, “Dear Bruce Jenner, we’ve got such-and-such that we think your readers will love.” When I get these my first thought is always, “Who cares, people?” I swear, all it takes is one time on a Wheaties box and every bottom-rung PR account rep in the world thinks your quiet blog about being a dad and stepdad would be the perfect place for hocking body washes and male enhancement drugs. (Why would I need that? Three marriages, six kids—I think I’m doing okay in that department. And the step-kids are something of a deterrent anyway.)

However, when the good people at California Collagen Inc. approached me, I thought, “You know, Bruce, your body has been a bit saggy of late. Why not?” So for the heck of it I agreed to a free injection in my back end (because, yeah, it’s been dragging lately). I have to say the results were impressive. In fact, it was so good, I went back and had some more put in around my mouth. Now I look happy. All. The. Time. One of my stepdaughters could, I don’t know, make a sex tape and California Collagen would keep me smiling through the whole thing. And hey readers, as a special bonus, I’ve got a free sample to give away courtesy of California Collagen. To win, leave a comment to this post and I’ll be having my boy Brody select one randomly to determine the winner. California Collagen—Go taut, not gaunt.

Archie Bunker's All in the Family RANTS! 

Blog entry dated Jan 12, 1961: What’s becomin’ of kids dese days? They’re getting kooky ideas put in their heads by the communists or sump’in. Du other day I was goin’ to throw out dese old stuffed toys dat my little Gloria doesn’t play whit anymore, but she catches me and won’t let me do it. Den she tells me when she grows up, shes gonna save animals and da whales and stuff. Savin’ whales?! Are ya kiddin’ me! Where are kids gettin’ dese ideas? I’m tellin’ ya I’m glad Edith and I only have da one. Speakin’ of Dingbat, she asks me da udder day, “Arrrrchie, why do you think we haven’t had another child?” And so says to her, “Hey, Dingbat, whadda I look like, a groinacologist?” My Gloria’s enough to worry about as it is. We don’t need no more. I swear she’s gonna wind up marrying some “meathead” at this rate. Savin’ da whales, my left eye! I’m moving to Arizona.

The Parent Trap: Michael Lohan’s Fatherhood on Parole 

Blog entry dated July 25, 2007: Wordless Wednesday


“Call me, sweetie.”

Blues Cruise  

Blue's Cruise: One Father Freaks Out

Blog entry for May 25, 2005: …so when Oprah asked me what I was thinking when I started this blog, I only had four words for her… SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!!


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