This is real.
It is a sandwich in a can. It's perfect for kids, backpackers, soccer moms, construction workers, and fooking Prawns. It comes in three tasty flavors. It does not require refrigeration. It does not require sleep. It's housed in a well-nigh indestructible package. It contains no natural ingredients. It has no natural enemies. It was developed by captured Nazi scientists in the kitchens of Area 51, the unholy spawn of Canned Haggis and Goober Grape. When Chef Boy-Ar-Dee tried to tell the world of its existence, he was forever silenced by government operatives. When the hydrogen bombs fall and the world burns and the survivors are left to fend off roving gangs of radioactive mutant-cannibals and hyper-intelligent cockroaches, the Candwich will abide, and those who control the Candwich will control the earth. There is no God and the Candwich is His prophet. Also, the Candwich comes with a Candy Surprise Inside!
