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May 20, 2011

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The DadCentric Review


Psst! Avast there! It be too late to alter course, mateys. And there be plundering pirates lurkin' in ev'ry cove, waitin' to board. Sit closer together and keep your ruddy hands in board. That be the best way to repel boarders. And mark well me words, mateys: Dead men tell no tales! Ye come seekin' adventure with salty old pirates, eh? Sure you've come to the proper place. But keep a weather eye open mates, and hold on tight. With both hands, if you please. Thar be squalls ahead, and Davy Jones waiting for them what don't obey.
-- From Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean ride


The last thing that Walt Disney touched in Disneyland was the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Little did he know what adventures thar be lurkin' ahead.

Okay, I promise not to type like a pirate (which is really hard with this hook).

Today is the opening of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the fourth installment in the highly successful movie franchise. The movies thus far have made for your stereotypical summer fare, meaning they've been full of humor, action and heaping scoops of fun and entertainment.  Johnny Depp and Jerry Bruckheimer are good like that. Also, the writing team of Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio (fun fact, we used to have epic L.A. blogger parties, courtesy of L.A. Daddy, at Mr. Rossio's house in the hills!) seem to be hitting their stride.

This is the first of the series not to star Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom, and while I have nothing against either of them, the film did seem a lot fresher for it. In fact, I would go so far (I know, I'm all kinds of bold) as to say that this installment is the best since the original. That's right, I said it.

The film follows the exploits of Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) as he crosses paths with old friends, foes, family and flames in search of the Fountain of Youth. There's a lot of double entendres, some gore and plenty of sword play (not a double entendre). Also, mermaids (now with sideboob!).

Be warned, we're not talking about Ariel. These ladies of the sea would stab your eye out with a dinglehopper and not think twice about it.

It's hard to write too much without including spoilers, but all you really need to know is that if you liked the first three you'll like this one. You might even love it. The tides may be strange, but they are also fairly comfortable.

The film is rated PG-13, but like Disney's other May offering, Thor, the most graphic of the violent scenes (most meaning "not all") are set in the world of fantasy. While I wouldn't assume to say where your personal threshold sits on such things, the newest POTC is, in my opinion, okay for anyone that has watched the previous films (or stuff like Indiana Jones and the Star Wars movies, respectively -- nothing is scarier than Jar Jar). 

And don't worry, just because the film isn't specifically geared towards kids doesn't mean the marketing department is missing an opportunity to sing its sweet siren song! It's got a good beat, I can dance to it. I'd give it a 60. For instance, please feel free to download some fine pirate booty (mostly masks, door hangers and coloring pages) for your little buckaneer's enjoyment. Family fun!

In closing, is Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides going to win a best picture award? Not from any academy I've ever heard of. Is it worth a night out? Aye! Two hooks up.

Don't forget your rum.


Photos courtesy of Disney

Disclosure: My wife and I were guests of Disney at a special screening of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. However, I can say whatever the hell I want about the film, and I did.


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