DadCentric

Christopher Walken Reads "Where The Wild Things Are"

This is slightly old, and there are better Walken impersonators out there, but it's pretty flippin' funny nonetheless.

 

DadCentric's 2011 Last Minute Gift Guide For Dads

Let's cut to the chase: 'twas the night before The Night Before Christmas, and you totally borked on getting the dad(s) in your life a present. Not to worry: we got your back. Here's a few last minute gift ideas for you from us.

Jason: I love getting books for Christmas; getting someone a great book is about as thoughtful as you can get, IMHO. Here's a few suggestions.

• Susan Russo's The Encyclopedia of Sandwiches and Recipes Every Man Should Know. Susan Russo is a great food writer (check out her blog here), and these two books compliment each other well. Perfect for the foodie dad, or the wanna-be foodie dad, both are chock full of great recipes and helpful suggestions.

• Neal Pollack's Jewball. Our old friend Neal Pollack boldly decided to self-publish this novel; yes, we're helping a brotha out by promoting his book, but I'd do so regardless, because this tale of Jewish basketball players in the years leading up to World War II is a blast. 

• Brian K. Vaughan and Tony Harris' Ex Machina. This celebrated comic book series is available in trade paperback; I downloaded issue #1 for free over at Comixology and was hooked. The story of an average guy who becomes super-powered (in this case, given the ability to communicate with control any type of machinery with his mind) has been done before, but Vaughn puts a whole new twist on the genre when his protagonist becomes the mayor of New York.

TwoBusy: The single best thing I read this year: Alden Bell's The Reapers Are The Angels, a stunningly beautiful zombie novel. Yes, you read that correctly: beautiful. Think of it as Cormac McCarthy's The Road meets World War Z, filtered through the voice of Flannery O'Connor. The imagery, the lyricism, the characters... plus, y'know, zombies. I read several remarkable novels this year - including John Hart's The Last Childand Emma Donoghue's Room, which were both outstanding - but The Reapers completely blew my socks off. Absolutely worth seeking out. 

The single best thing I heard this year: the self-titled debut by Winged Victory for The Sullen, in a narrow win over the veryveryvery different The Big Roar by The Joy Formidable. Winged Victory is the kind of thing I simply don't have the musical vocabulary to adequately describe: it's a series of neo-classical collaborations between composer Dustin O'Halloran and Stars of the Lids' Adam Wiltzie that manage to be so wordlessly powerful and deeply emotional that it's almost impossible to listen to the album without feeling like the world around you has slowed and changed into the saddest, most haunting film you've ever seen. A truly gorgeous piece of work.

The Holmes: Does Dad love beer? Does he have a bit of the DIY spirit about him? Perhaps he'd like to try his hand at brewing up his own beer. Get him stared with The Complete Joy of Homebrewing. Or maybe Dad likes shiny things that go zoom through the air. RC helicopters are crazy-cheap these days. Or does Dad get bored sitting in a cube all day? Bring a little excitement to his workday with some weapons of siege warfare.

Kevin: Combine Dad's love of Star Wars and cocktails with the Han Solo in Carbonite Silicon Ice Tray. It's perfect for sucking back icy whiskeys while watching the 47th re-re-remastering of The Saga and bitching about how George Lucas has yet again played you for a sucker.

SAHD Protagonist: Interview with "Fathermucker" author Greg Olear

Ever read a novel written from the point of view of a stay-at-home dad?  I thought not. 

I don't know if Greg Olear's Fathermucker is the first of its kind, but it's definitely the first one I've read.  I found it gratifying to be able to relate to the main character/narrator as a guy whose overarching concern is his children.  Not just in an abstract sense--providing for them or thinking about their futures--but actually taking care of their day-to-day needs. 

The main plot in the book is a very compelling and adult one, but the world the narrator lives in is all about parenting.  Like the familiar heroes of page and screen who can't escape their offices, superhero duties, or criminal enterprises, Josh can barely attend to the crisis that lands on his doorstep, because he's juggling playdates, fieldtrips, babysitters, and meltdowns.  And unlike many (perhaps most) dads in novels and other media, Josh is much better at parenting than he is at other aspects of his life.

I got a chance to chat with Greg Olear via email, and we talked about his book, the writing process, and parenting.

Has It Really Taken This Long For Someone To Do A Dr. Seuss - H.P. Lovecraft Mashup?

In his house in R'lyeh, Dead Yertle waits dreaming.

For the entire 11 page story - go here. (Thanks to Cole Gamble.)

The Best Halloween-Themed Family Photoshoot Ever

Is Ivan Owen the Greatest Dad Ever? Possibly. The owner of Chain Crafts, an Etsy store specializing in interesting jewelry and armor, got an interesting request from his wife: she wanted to do a Post-Zombie Apocalypse Family Photoshoot. The Owens contacted Bakan Photography, and the results? Awesome. Here's a peek; you can see more at Bakan Photography's blog. (And yes, I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this.)

(Source.)

That Kid With The Tiger

“Oh! That reminds me of this Calvin and Hobbes where...!”

That, my friends, is a sentence opener that my mother got very used to/very tired of hearing out of me when I was a kid. Calvin was my dude, right? Even though he was a few years behind me in school, everything he did was awesome. His adventures with his buddy Hobbes were humor at its finest. My mom and I got into debates about the realness of Hobbes.

“He’s only real in Calvin’s imagination, sweetie.”

“No! He’s real! He’s really really real! Calvin’s just the only one who can see him!”

I kind of think we were both right.

My eldest noticed my old Calvin and Hobbes books sitting on a bookshelf a while back, right there next to the likes of Pekar, Gaiman, Clowes, Moore. He brought them to me, asked me to read them to him, his interest piqued by nothing more than pictures that struck him as funny. He’s a year behind Calvin - funny how that works - so some of the humor’s over his head, but plenty of it’s not. But the best part?  I think the little dude’s learned a pretty valuable life lesson. Check this out:

The last time I took this kid to the doctor and he had to get a shot, he screamed “I DON’T LIKE YOU! I DON’T LIKE YOU!” at the nurse, his voice filled with all the vitriol that a five-year-old can muster. And yet, the comic above has him rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably, banging his fist on the carpet. “Again!” he demands. “Read it again!” 

Could it be, then, that maybe this kid is learning how to laugh at himself? Let's hope so, for the good of all involved. It’s one of the best things a person can ever learn as far as I'm concerned, one of those handy tricks that makes life flow a bit more smoothly, like a personal lubricant for everyday existence. 

Of course, there are some lessons I’d rather my kids not learn from the boy and his tiger.

Questions, Questions

"I used to listen to this song back in college. It's one of my favorites."

"Ohhh. When were you in college?"

"Let's see - I started back in 1987, so that was...wow. 24 years ago."

The silence of deep thinking. Then:

"Dad?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"Were there computers back then?"

"Yes."

"Was there TV?"

"Yes."

"Did you have Wii?"

"No."

"Were there cars?"

"Yes."

"Did they have Transformers?"

"Yes. Just the toys and the cartoon, though."

"Harry Potter?"

"No."

"Green Lantern?"

"Yes, but comic book only. Same with Iron Man, and Captain America...well, there was a Captain America movie, but it was pretty bad."

"Was there pizza?"

"Yes. There was always pizza."

"Were there phones?"

"Yes. That's how we got the pizza."

"Were there iPhones?"

"No."

"So...no Angry Birds?"

"Nope."

"Wow."

We drove past Target, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble. A treadmill of gentrification. Back then there was just hills and orange trees and the occasional house. It was as much of The Country as one would get in SoCal.

"Dad?"

"Yes?" 

More thinking.

"What if going to the bathroom was an actual sport?"

 

Just In Time For Father's Day, Download Samuel L. Jackson Reading "Go The F*ck To Sleep" For Free.

If you're of the same mind as us, you know all about Adam Mansbach's simple and brilliant "kid's" book, Go The Fuck To Sleep. Who better than Samuel L. Jackson to do the audiobook recording? Who better indeed? Over at Audible.com, you can download the Samuel L. Jackson audiobook version of Go The Fuck To Sleep for free.  The book was officially released today; bootleg copies have been floating around the Internets for a while. While Jackson's version is great (you can listen to a sample on that link), and the Werner Herzog version is apparently on its way (!), the print version is a must-have, a perfect and affectionate spoof of every sleepytime book ever written. Jackson's free version is available for a limited time, so go the fuck to that site and grab it while you can. It's the gift that keeps on giving. You're welcome.

UPDATED: Samuel L. Jackson reading Go The Fuck To Sleep is, for now, on YouTube. Enjoy. Oh, and it's NSFW. Duh:

 

Head Lice

"He's got lice."

Fuck.

Me.

We were at one of those kid's (KIDZ) haircuts (HAIRCUTZ) places, so I caught myself before uttering that aloud. Immediately, the shop went into Lockdown Mode: a plastic shower cap was placed over Lucas' head, the stylists donned MOPP gear, klaxons sounded, witnesses were rounded up and shot. While I curled up into the fetal position and mumbled Hail Marys, Beth kept her calm. "What do we do?" The manager gave us some supplies: an assortment of pesticide-free, all-natural lice killing mousses and shampoos. "Use these", she said. "Use them on him, your daughter, and yourselves. They're good for the environment. The stuff the doctors give you causes brain cancer and in some cases hideous mutations. We're talking extra eyes and tentacles, not cool stuff like telekinesis. Although I know one kid that grew antlers." I picked myself up off the floor, trying to ignore the screams of the dying. "And if that doesn't work?", I asked. The manager's eyes went wide. "Burn everything. And pray to whatever God you believe in."

More Hating on Disney: Baby Einstein Edition

I'm afraid I'm about to get self-righteous and snobby and maybe a little preachy.

I didn't set out to do that.  I was going to write a snarky little post about how babies have terrible taste and the books they enjoy often have little literary or artistic merit.  Something like:

WTF is up with Goodnight Moon, anyway?  "Goodnight, nobody/Goodnight, mush"?  It's like somebody transcribed their peyote trip.  And the artwork, arbitrarily alternatint from vertiginously lurid color blocks to black and white line drawings, is as discomfiting as a David Lynch movie, but far less visually interesting.

And don't get me started on Baby Einstein...

But I did get started on Baby Einstein, and became a little horrified in the process.