DadCentric

These Aren't The Droids You're Looking For

A couple of weeks ago, the boy and got the Geek Trip of a lifetime: the good people at 20th Century Fox invited us to spend the weekend in San Francisco on their dime, there to get a behind-the-scenes look at Skywalker Ranch and Lucasfilm Headquarters, topped off with an advance screening of Star Wars: Episode One - The Phantom Menace 3D (which opens in theaters today - my review of the flick can be found over at MamaPop).

Some of us were never bitten by the Star Wars bug, and some of us have outgrown it over the years. My enthusiasm for the prequels is lukewarm at best; they have their moments, but ultimately fell a bit short of everyone's expectations. My enthusiasm for the folks at Lucasfilm, however, remains steadfast. These guys are perhaps the biggest Star Wars fans of any of us, and when sound editing supervisor Matthew Wood (also the voice of General Grievous) let Lucas add his voice to a key scene in Episode I, well, it was pretty geektastic. 

 

New Study: More Men Are Sitting Down To Pee

Hot on the heels of a recent Chicago Tribune article about the rise in the number of male grocery shoppers comes a groundbreaking new study that shows a sharp rise in the number of men who sit down to take a leak. 

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University conducting an extensive nationwide survey of 2,000 men of various ages, asking them if they preferred to stand while urinating. The results were surprising. According to Dr. Juan Hung Lo, 35% of respondants indicated that they willingly sat down on toilets while voiding their bladders. "The numbers have been trending upwards for the past few years, coinciding with the statistical rise of staty-at-home dads. We don't believe this is a coincidence, nor do we believe that it's an indicator of the so-called 'feminization of the American male'. Rather, respondants to a man all answered the question 'why do you choose to sit down to pee' in much the same way: because they don't give a shit about ridiculous reverse gender stereotypes."

Why I Lie To My Kids About Santa

"Dad, do you believe in Santa?" They're both old enough to ask this now, past that age where they just assume everything, and start to question the things we tell them. The Age Of Why. 

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If you didn't think about the reason for it, the sight was impressive: a police helicopter, hovering in the canyon behind my house, rotor blades whirring below rooftop level, just hanging there. It would move a few yards every few minutes. They were looking for someone, and the initial thought was that this was a rescue mission - maybe someone had wandered off the trail and tripped over a hidden rock and sprained an ankle, or perhaps one of the neighborhood kids had gone on a bike ride and had taken a tumble. But no. Below, the police cars sat in the small trailhead parking lot, a few officers milling about. There were no lights, no sirens, no real sense of urgency. Later, I'd see the news: a woman who lived in the townhouses just down the street had gone missing on Thanksgiving morning. Foul play was suspected, and later confirmed: Kathleen Cary Scharbarth had been murdered by her ex-boyfriend, in her home, which is a five minute walk from ours. Lucas had seen the helicopter as well. He asked why it was flying around our house. I told him that sometimes the police practice looking for people who may have gotten lost. 

Gene Marks, The "If I Were A Poor Black Kid" Guy, To Write Advice Book For Dads

Forbes contributor Gene Marks has certainly stirred up some controversy. First, there was this post, Why Most Women Will Never Become CEO, in which Marks states that women will never become CEO because they're women. Then, Marks penned a post entitled If I Were A Poor Black Kid, in which he offers suggestions to poverty-stricken urban black kids based on his experiences as a middle-class white small business owner/columnist for magazine read by rich white guys, because really, one's pretty much the same as the other. Some of the pearls of wisdom Marks offers:

• "If I were a poor black kid...I'd become an expert at Google Scholar."
• "(If I were a poor black kid) I'd use Skype to study with other students who want to do well in my school."
• "If I were a poor black kid I would make it my goal to get into one of these (magnet) schools. Or even a private school."
• "If I were a poor black kid...I would learn how to write code."

See, Poor Black Kids? It's TOTALLY easy to escape soul-crushing poverty, rise above our failing public school system, and steer clear of a judicial system that tends to drop the hammer on young black men. Just get into a private school and learn how to write code! Like Theo from Die Hard did!

Now, word comes that Marks will be releasing a handbook for new dads.* The working title is If I Were A New Dad. We've gotten our hands on the manuscript, and here are a few choice bits of advice from Mr. Marks:

Educational Powerball

The crowd flowed in to the brand new gym. You could smell the newness. Rubber and plastic. Paint and polyurethane. The only scuffs on the floor were from our shoes. 

700 pairs of shoes, give or take. All of us there that night to see revealed the destinies of our children.

Or not.

The charter school lottery. The Peanut's number was 485. Out of about 1000 total--present and absent--competitors.

People shuffled in and took their seats. All kinds of people who were all kinds of tense. 

Men in ties and shirtsleeves milled around a long folding table at the front. The table held a big, stainless steel, stock pot. Inside it were little pieces of paper with precognitive powers. There was a video camera set on a tripod in the middle aisle. They said if our number was called that we should "let'em hear it." Put on a good show for the camera. They told us they were making a documentary. Their "own version of Waiting For Superman." For those that don't remember, Waiting For Superman was an anti public school documentary released last year that was so full of shit the Academy of Arts and Sciences wouldn't even consider it for a best documentary nomination. You know how bogus your documentary has to be to be considered full of shit by Hollywood? Last year's winner: Hot Tub Time Machine.

Then there was a speech.

Christmas Trees Are Stupid, But I'll Probably Have to Get One Anyway

You know how much a real Christmas tree costs in San Diego?  I didn't know, because I've never bought one in the eight years that we've been here.  So I had to do some research.

Based on the 3 minutes I spent Googling "Christmas tree San Diego," I discovered that a 6-7 foot Noble Fir is going to run at least a hundred dollars from a local dealer.  You can order a similar one for $109.00 from Costco.  It comes in a box.

The fuck?

I'm supposed to drop a c-note on a dead plant that I'll toss in a couple weeks?  I've got all of them I need right here in my house and front yard.  I'll just hang some strings of popcorn and cranberries and call it Yuletide.

Watch A Guy Shave Off His Mustache

FREE AT LAST. The Thing has been removed from my face; no longer will I frighten my small children or repulse my wife. So there's one happy ending for Movember. The other? The good folks at Philips Norelco heard about our Mega-Dad Team and offered to donate $15,000; in return, a bunch of us, myself included, agreed to use a couple of Philips Norelco products - the Vacuum Stubble And Beard Trimmer and the SensoTouch 3D Shaver, provided at no cost to us by the folks at Philips Norelco - to rid ourselves of our lip hair and capture the magic on video. I reviewed an older model of the SensoTouch last year as part of our 2010 Holiday Gift Guide, and really liked it. But would the SensoTouch 3D be able to hack its way through the ferocious jungle beneath my nose? Watch:

Worked like a charm; the mustache is gone, and the Asshole Jaw is once again the prominent feature on my face. If you want to see how some of the other Movember dads fared, check out their videos here. (For you ladies, that Busy Dad Blog guy is in his tanktop.) And if you're looking for a good gift for the hirsute man in your life, Philips Norelco is offering a nice rebate on the SensoTouch shaver. And if you want to know why vlogging should be left to the pros, or at the very least people who are enthusiastic about appearing on camera, Exhibit A: my video. So, everybody wins: me, my wife, my kids, Philips Norelco, and most important, some guys in the future who will never have to worry about getting prostate cancer because a bunch of mustachioed dudes in the past helped to kick its ass once and for all.

Movember, Day 30: The Final Countdown

 

Tomorrow, the DadCentricians who took part in this year's Movember fundraiser will at least be ridding ourselves of our facial folicles. We've endured the comments and the looks for a worthy cause, and if sporting a mustache helps in the never-ending fight against prostate cancer, we're happy to oblige. But before we say goodbye to our 'staches - and thanks to a sponsored opportunity from the good folks at Philips Norelco, who gave a generous matching donation to the dad collective team, you'll get to watch some of us shave these suckers off - we offer you a final look at our mustachioed meins.

Kevin, feeling Indiana, looking decidedly Deadwood.

Andy, finally at peace with his 'stache.

Whit bids farewell to Movember.

Me, with my commemorative souvenir t-shirt.

Thanks to everyone who donated to any of our massive team's members (wait - that didn't come out right). Our big group raised over $17,000. Next year, I think I'll go with a different look. What I have in mind is pictured after the jump.

The Circle Is Now Complete: Babble Buys Me, Disney Buys Babble

Remember the whole #OccupyBabble thing? Well, it has a twist ending. A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by the folks at Babble - no, not with a bottle of chloroform and a baseball bat, but with an offer. Would I like to write for their new dad section, launching in mid-November? After some soul-searching, reflection, and deep contemplation - which lasted for all of five minutes - I said yes. 

Now, I know a few of you are thinking that I've gone to the Dark Side, thrown my principles out the window for a few bucks, am a complete hypocrite, etc. And with the announcement yesterday that Disney had purchased Babble for an unconfirmed but presumably hefty sum, you've probably thrown money-chaser into the mix. Fair enough. But here's something I thought about, and something that I hope you all consider. Despite what some think - even some folks who write for Babble - the parenting conversation has shifted, dads are more engaged as parents, commited dads are staunch advocates for a fundamental shift in the way that society views both dads AND moms, and dadbloggers are one of the driving forces behind that shift. As I said on my own blog, I had a choice: I could have circled my own wagon (this can be done, as Blazing Saddles proved), or I could accept an offer to join the conversation, which really was the point to all the #OccupyBabble silliness - giving dads a seat at the Big Parenting Website/Magazine table. Looking around, I don't see any other parenting site doing what Babble is. And if Disney is excited to get dads on board...well, the choice was an easy one. (And no, DadCentric isn't going anywhere.)

So swing by Babble today and check out the new Dadding section. I'm in great company: Ron Mattocks, Mike Adamick, and Michael Sheehan will be along for the ride. I'm sorta feeling like one of the original Mercury astronauts. With Mickey Mouse ears.