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Santa,

I know it’s a busy time of year for you, so I’ll keep this short.

Please stop outsourcing.  The elves have families.  They need their jobs and possibly universal health-care.

But the truth is I’m not writing on behalf of the elves.  They’ve got unions.  They’ve got bailouts.

I’m writing on behalf of me and those like me.  We’re the suckers that are stuck putting together the toys that our kids are getting for Christmas and frankly, we don’t like it.  No Sir, we don’t like it.

When we were children and the elves were in their heyday the toys were always delivered Christmas morning already assembled.  And it was good.

Now, with the economy and NPFTA and the knock on lead, the majority of toys are no longer made in your workshop, but rather in factories and sweatshops by people over 3 feet tall (except some of the younger kids).  These people don’t care about us.

Case in point, I spent the better part of last night in the garage assembling a toy.  It had more screws than Madonna on a bender.  The instructions didn’t make sense and nothing fit quite as easily as the photo would have you believe.

I cut my hand with a screwdriver.  Twice.

Is this what Christmas has become?  Parents cussing and bleeding over expensive toys in the dead of the night?

Our parents had it easy.

Please, Santa, do the right thing.  Think of the elves.  And me.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Parent