We were supposed to go see Ice Age 7:Dawn of Tony Orlando or some such nonsense. I was then going to post about it here for your reading enjoyment.
Enjoyment is such a strong word.
However, I'm fairly confident that I can review the movie for you anyway.
So I know WALL-E came out way the hell back in 2008, but a quick stroll through the DadCentric archives of posts marked with the tag of “Film” or "Movies" (which differ from one another in that movies aspire to mere entertainment, whereas films actually seek to make aaaaart and actually fail in this mission if they provide any significant entertainment beyond leaving the viewer depressed, confused, pained, bored, or angry that they’ll never get those 90 - 212 minutes back) shows me that there exist no posts on this particular dadblog related to WALL-E.
WALL-E currently stands as my eldest son’s favorite movie. I don’t know if WALL-E knows yet that it will eventually be replaced as my son’s favorite movie many times over, or if that is a heartbreak yet to come. I would think WALL-E, even as young as it is, would have already experienced this betrayal from any number of young people, and would know that it’s only in store for more of it, that it is destined to be a temporary favorite. Perhaps it is satisfied merely being loved, even if its status as a child’s favorite is so fleeting.
I’m not going to bother with much in the way of synopsis because if you’re reading this, you’re likely a parent, and if your kids are young enough, you’ve already seen it. Perhaps more than once! And a lengthy synopsis at this juncture would only serve to further thin the shoestring hold I currently have on your attention span. Suffice it to say that it’s a film about a future where the Earth is fucked, and humans did the fucking. It’s a film about a humanity that has long since abandoned the Earth for greener galaxies because it’s unfit to support any life other than roaches and robots. There are robots of every kind, be they cute, scary, OCD, purpose-driven, all designed and manufactured to take care of our every human whim. It’s a nightmare scenario of corporate power gone all wrong. It’s a film about people at their worst and their best, about snapping out of complacence and doing something.
And yes, it’s a kid’s film, and one that adults can dig on, whether they act their age or not.
The first time we watched WALL-E, I loved it. This was in spite of the fact that there are any number of issues with it that, if present in more “grown-up sci-fi”, would have every dungeon master, ComiCon attendee, Klingon speaker, lightsaber craftsman, fan fiction author, and Summer Glau drooler-over racing to their keyboard to register their DISGUST with the filmmakers’ ineptitude. This stuff occurred to me at the time, but it didn’t bother me in the least. It’s a kid’s movie, and a great one at that. It tells a fantastic story, it looks great, has a wonderful message, and manages to do a hell of a lot with minimal dialogue, a true achievement considering that most kid’s movies seem to follow the throw-enough-shit-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks approach to dialogue. Not to mention the fact that it’s a nice introduction to science fiction for the wee’uns. I figured I didn’t need to go getting my boxers all in a wad over a few relatively unimportant details, especially if they’re the boxers with the little tigers all over them because it’d be a shame to mess those up.
The thing is, I’ve seen the movie a few more times since that initial viewing. And some of these details are, well, they’re starting to get to me. I’ve tried to fight it, to ignore it, to pretend they don’t bug me, but they’re still out there, throwing pebbles at the window of my brain and urging my inner asshole to come out and play. So if you don’t mind me getting all ComicBook Guy on WALL-E’s ass, I present to you my list of Stuff Wrong With WALL-E I Should Get Over, or SWWWISGO for short.
Man, it feels good to get that off my chest, even if it does mean I have to reveal my inner asshole to you all. Maybe next week I’ll post about drinking the last beer in your fridge or taking the last cup of coffee without making more.
What the fuck, Hollywood?
Is it necessary that every single character have daddy issues?
I feel like everything I've been watching lately requiredsome extensive back story in which the main character has some traumatic childhood experience or disconnect with a parent. It's distracting. It's annoying. It's pat.
Watching movies nowadays you'd think every good and evil impulse anyone has emerges from a parental shadow. Wolverine? Daddy issues. Willy Wonka? Daddy issues. Indiana Jones? A whole daddy movie. And Luke Skywalker? Don't get me started. Lucas practically tea-bagged father/son horseshit down out throats. And what did every single one of those do to us? It made us love you a little less.
J.J. Abrams, I'm looking at you. Don't get me wrong, I really liked the new Star Trek, and my devotion to Lost is unquestioned. But you've made a career of dragging me through convoluted time-jumping Oedipal confrontations. Can't Kirk and Spock just be instinctive and logical without explanation? Can't they just be Kirk and Spock?
I'm just asking, as a father, to stop putting so much god damn pressure on us! I love my dad, but I'm motivated by selfishness, greed, and occasionally nachos, not some deep-seeded to please/kill him. I make my choices, and my dad's got nothing to do with them.
When you make the movie about me (currently in pre-production, schedule for Memorial Day 2011) can the back-story and just drop me into the action. Your audience will thank you for it.
Do you like movies about gladiators? Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
If you answered yes to any of the above then Watchmen will feel like old home week for you. It's a story of aging superheroes and older demons (of man- so frail, so corrupt, so heavy).
I'm not going to explain the plot because you either are a fan of the Watchmen and already know the story, or you aren't and you don't (that was my camp). Either way, that information is available to varying levels of spoiler all over the internet. I'm going to tell you what the movie is about. There should be music here.
It's violent and slow-moving and works on many levels like an onion parfait. It is Dashiell Hammett on steroids with just a sprinkling of dialogue so bad that it must have been written by a contest winner, possibly Bobby Johnson of Bend, Oregon, age 9. Congratulations, Bobby!
But for the most part it is a movie about a man and his penis. His flaccid, blue penis. Have you ever wondered what happened to Nuclear Smurf? He does porn now and he fights crime and may or may not cause cancer.
The penis to boob ratio in Watchmen is so heavily leaning towards the former that it was actually more shocking to see Dr. Manhattan in a suit than the buff. Of course, the good doctor had a severe case of CGI dick, and who hasn't, but the boobs, provided courtesy of the lovely Silk Spectre, were real and they were spectacular.
Is the movie for kids? No. I almost warned the parents waiting in line with their children as I was leaving the theater, but I figured they saw the R on the ticket just like the rest of us. And this isn't a nudity thing. I'm with Europe on this one, nudity isn't nasty. My kids see a grown man naked every day. We have cable.
I would say it's not for kids because of the language- if such things as fucking language bother you, and also because the violence is of a graphic nature that could easily cause nightmares or behavioral issues for years to come.
Look at this inkblot and tell me what you see.
Is the movie good? Yes(ish), but it's not for everyone. It's for people that like their heroes flawed, lost and naked. It's for people that like movies about gladiators.
I know this song came out like three years ago, but I just saw the video today. It's packed with so many of the coolest ideas, genres, and archetypes that the universe has to offer, it seems exactly like the kind of thing you would get if you pulled together a group of 8-12 year olds and told them to come up with a music video.
It began like any other trip to the bookstore. There were words of encouragement and threats of consequences. We shared a pastry and had something warm to drink. They behaved like I asked them and used their inside voices. There were pee-pee dances and occasional wanderings. It was like any other trip.
Then Thing 1 picked out a book that wasn't his typical fare of dinosaurs or cartoon characters. It was Star Wars, and the force was suddenly strong in my boy. We discussed R2D2 and Yoda, and I explained the difference between myself and a Wookie through an awkward charade which included a public display of body hair. We were bonding.
I started planning our evening. We would only watch one movie a night, no reason to rush it. Pace this moment, I thought. Finish his training, I will.
It was set in stone, or carbonite as the case may be. Things were moving along swimmingly. We stood in line, me taking in the moment and the boys happy to be getting stuff. It was special. I placed my books on the counter and turned to the boys for theirs. Elmo for Thing 2, and my oldest boy, he had switched out Star Wars for yet another dinosaur book.
"What happened?" I asked as I looked around frantically for the Star Wars book.
"I like dinosaurs better," he answered, smiling.
Damn, I thought, that's bullshit.
For all you parents out there considering the idea of bringing a nanny into your employ, be sure you get the non-scary version. Guys like me will have to be content scaring our own kids.
It really is all about the editing.
Charlie the Unicorn. Gotta stick it through to the end.
To be fair, I liked the movie, "The Groomsmen" before I even saw it. It's an Ed Burns movie, what's not to like? The fact that he got the actors to each work for a measly 11k and he edited the whole film and soundtrack on his Mac. Hey, I love that. It's easily his best work since "Brothers McMullen."
What I didn't know was that I would like it as much as I did. It resonated with me in a way that a lot of movies can't. Sure, there is funnier, sexier and more action-packed fare available, but that's just fluff.
"The Groomsmen" picks up where "Beautiful Girls" left off. It's a tale of friends and family, history and future. In fact, the only thing the movie was missing was a Neil Diamond sing-along. They did manage to humor me with a Billy Squire cover, so I'll let it slide. Plus, they drank a lot of Harp, which I agree with.
My wife didn't watch it. Her loss. She had baked all day and was subsequently stuffed on meringue cookies and a generous glass of port. She disappeared down the hall with a thick book before the opening credits even finished. Me? I had a few beers, some popcorn, and watched a movie about guys that get it, and I pitied those that don't.
Rent it.
I have a question. It doesn't have anything to do with parenting or kids or poop or puke or pregnancy. All fine topics, but not what's on my mind at the moment.
Why does Hollywood/entertainment have such an obsession with the 30s? No, I'm not talking about the Marx Brothers or the Golden Age of radio or any of that. I mean one's chronological age. What is it about turning 30 or being "in your 30s" that it is such an anathema; that the mere mention of it gives people the chills and causes them to scrounge for a cootie shot? Honestly? Is it really that bad? I think mine were pretty good - married, two children, good job - damn, that really does suck.
I bring this up because VH1 is about to launch a new comedy series called I Hate My Thirties. Oops, sorry, make that "an irreverent comedy." Sidenote: if you have to tell people it's "irreverent," it usually ain't. Just sayin'. Anyway, so the network that brings you Flavor of Love and Scott Baio is 45...and Single, now brings you a comedy that will tackle the real issues facing our 30-something characters or, as the great copy writer who penned the show's description tells us, it's "TV as a tool for living" - wha-? I do have to hand it to the copy writer though, his description for the show is so run through with cliches, pitch-speak and babble as to confuse the hell out of the guy who just quickly scans the five graphs. Example: "The comedic tone comes from the absurd handling of relatable problems, matched with clever observation of the contemporary landscape. References to retro-storytelling will be minimal but maybe gratifying as occasional winks to the audience in the know." Um...yeah.
But, haven't we seen this already? Isn't this just The Big Chill with a laugh track? thirtysomething, I believe, tackled many of the same issues this will, didn't it? And, they were probably funnier than this will or could ever be. What's that? It was a drama? C'mon - look at Peter Horton's mullet - that's funny. High comedy at its best. I like Friends, but wasn't it essentially about pretty people in their 30s dealing with relationships and jobs and babies? Is there really anything else to deal with when you're in your 30s?
I'm sure there are many other shows, but I think you get my point. Your 30s don't really suck, just Hollywood's interpretation of it.
Now, being 40?
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