DadCentric

Lovely, Love My Family

There's comfort in clichés. They help you wrap your head around things that would otherwise leave you speechless in wonder, or in despair. We've been dealing with a death in the family; over at my little corner of the Internet I vented accordingly. Hug your kids, they say. And they're right.

The Race for The Worst Dad of 2010 Has A New Frontrunner - Billy Ray Cyrus

I see your Stephen Baldwin, Whit, and I raise you one former mulleted pop-country one-hit wonder turned juvenile flesh peddler.

 

You probably know more than you want to know about Billy Ray's daughter Miley, she of the Teen Choice Awards Pole Dance  and the Vanity Fair photo shoot that would have made John Phillips green with envy. But did you know that Miley has a younger sister? She does! And her name is Noah. And being a nine-year-old girl named after a Biblical zookeeper will, I think, be way down on the list of issues she'll eventually be discussing with her psychotherapist. At the top of that list: she's launching what critics are calling a line of lingerie for pre-tweens. Mull that over for a second while I vomit into this trash can.

So what kind of dad encourages - sorry, actively participates in a photo shoot of his half-naked daughter and preps his younger daughter to be Travis Bickle's next object of affection? A God-fearin' one, apparently. In this interview, Billy Ray reflects on what it takes to raise kids in decadent Hollywood:

“I think as long as she looks for the light, she will find the light—she will be the light,” he says. “This town has a keen way of surrounding you with darkness, but you can be a light. You only have to try. If you reach out and try, God will help you.”

UPDATE: As this post went to press, we received word that Billy Ray Cyrus was struck and burned to ashes by a seemingly random bolt of lightning. 

Who Farted: The Video

So like, last summer, I posted about my rockin' little ode to flatulence. So here it is months later, and at long last, I've a video to share. Check out that intense moshpit. Apologies for the sound quality.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today - The PetCobra Trio

No children were harmed in the making of this video, although at 2:29 I come pretty close to clocking Zoë with my bass. Merry Christmas from all of us at DadCentric!

 

I Wish It Was Christmas Today (Fallon, Sanz, and Some Other Guys)

 

?uestlove is alright, but he's no Tracy Morgan.

How To Survive The Week Before Christmas

Disclosure time! As part of my job as a VTech Voice, I was asked to write a post about how to keep dads involved with holiday preparations. Now, many dads are willing and eager participants in Family Holiday Fun, but a few of us are not. To avoid having the ghost of your dead clock-watching slackass business partner show up with three of his dead eggnog-swilling buddies, here are some suggestions on how to make the most of these last few days leading up to Christmas, from DadCentric Christmases Past.

What to Buy Dad For Christmas: DadCentric's 2009 Gift Guide For Dads Who Are Awesome

This year, as we've done in the past, we're offering up some suggestions on what to get for that special dad in your life. Some of the things listed below were sent to us for review, some we purchased ourselves (don't worry, People Who Worry About Disclosure, we'll sort it all out at the end of this post), and some are just things that we dream about (those will be painfully obvious, like last year's Scarlett Johansson Robot Maid). And now, with the wonder of cell phone Internet browsing, you can peruse our suggestions while nursing a tryptophan and Pinot Noir hangover and waiting in the line to get into your local Wal-Mart, a line that's approximately the length of the Great Wall of China. Happy Black Friday!

Odds are You Didn't Win the New Dan Zanes CD

Only one of you kiddie music tolerating readers will receive in the mail my review copy of 76 Trombones, the new Dan Zanes and Friends album of (mostly) Broadway tunes.

Is it ZenMom, who is looking for revenge against her husband's torrid fantasies about flame-haired Noggin vixen Laurie Berkner? (I can read between the lines, ZM.)

Perhaps it will be Chris, whose son suffered the first in what will surely be a long line of rock 'n' roll disappointments when Zanes failed to play one of his favorite songs in concert. (The boy did all of us proud by telling Zanes off after the show.)

Of course it's not them or else I wouldn't have mentioned their names before the break.

The winner is ...

Win the New Dan Zanes '76 Trombones' CD

My review copy of Dan Zanes and Friends' Broadway album 76 Trombones was thisclose to the donation bin when I realized that one of you dedicated -- nay, downright sexy -- DadCentric readers deserved it more than those freeloaders at my local library.

That's right. We got ourselves an old-fashioned contest.

Here's what you need to do to have a chance at owning this environmentally friendly-packaged, easy-on-the-ears, retail-priced-at-$16.98 children's music CD:

In the comment section, tell us what was the first real concert you OR your children ever attended.

School chorus performances, piano-lesson recitals and your Uncle Nicky's drunken spoon-and-hambone aria after Thanksgiving dinner do not count. The winner will be chosen at random. The more entertaining or embarrassing your entry is will definitely increase the chances of beer shooting out my nose when I read them.

I'll start you off. While on vacation at a Busch Gardens amusement park with my family at age 9, I witnessed a Richard Marx concert. Yes, it really "Don't Mean Nothing" to me. My daughter, meanwhile, lost her concert virginity at age 1 when, in the parking lot of a Toyota dealership in Irving, Texas, she shook her diapered moneymaker to The Knack as they pumped out "My Sharona," "Baby Talks Dirty" and many other inappropriate songs for the Barney set.

Deadline is 12:01 a.m. Saturday, Nov. 21. Get rockin'!

Yo Gabba Gabba Live! There's A Party In My City: The DadCentric Review

The hottest ticket in LA this weekend? Yo Gabba Gabba Live. Four shows at the Shrine Expo Hall, two on Saturday, two on Sunday. The PR firm that works with the show hooked me up with some free tickets for the last show on Sunday. We were excited: perhaps we'd sit next to the Brangelina Family! I could ask them some serious questions: "Brad, do you remember when you were in Fight Club? That was pretty cool." Perhaps I'd get invite backstage and witness life on the Yo Gabba Gabba Tour: Muno snorting Pixie Stix lines off of Foofa's back; Plex punching out a Rolling Stone photographer, Brobee shaving off his monobrow and throwing a TV through the window while a terrified groupie looks on; DJ Lance Rock rushing to the stage to warn the kids not to eat the brown M&M's.