Many adults — whether they are male or female, rich or poor, liberal or brainwashed by Fox News — have at least one childhood disappointment that centers on a dream toy that turned out to be a nightmare bust.

Maybe we had seen on it on television ad infinitum or in the back pages of the lamest of the lame Harvey Comics. Perhaps, we first saw it in the hands of our alleged best friend who refused to let us borrow it no matter how many Chris Chambliss baseball cards (both Topps and Burger King, people) we offered the fink.

Regardless of how we first became aware of said item, we knew that this treasure, this most incredible invention ever, would end all those endless minutes of pre-pubescent boredom.

It would help us conquer nations! Realign socioeconomic structures! Purge lima beans from all soils and grocers’ shelves!

But in reality, it usually turned out to be a handful of scrap plastic and bellyful of bitter disillusionment.

What was yours?

X-Ray specs?

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