I get a lot of crazy e-mails forwarded to me by friends and readers. A lot of them are clearly fake, but every so often one comes along that is just so weird it has to be true. I figured this one was the real deal, just based on my recent experiences with some, ah, enthusiastic soccer parents and coaches in Lucas' Pee-Wee Soccer League. (There's just something so heartwarming about losers who peaked in high school living vicariously through their five-year-olds.) So, courtesy of my buddy Bob, here's a letter from the coach of Scituate Soccer Club Team 7 to the team's parents (and no, Team 7 is not the name that Coach had in mind). Two things to keep in mind: this is a team of 7-year-old girls, and the refs in question? They're 12. The letter's authentic, as you'll see following the Coach's actual and very inspiring words. (I did not edit for spelling/grammar, BTW. The guy's a regular John Feinstein.)
"Congratulations on being selected for Team 7 (forest green shirts) of the Scituate Soccer Club! My name is Michael and I have been fortunate enough to be selected to coach what I know will be a wonderful group of young ladies. Chris *** will also be coaching and I expect the ever popular Terry to return to the sidelines. Our first game will be Saturday April 4 at 10:00AM. There will be a half hour of skills followed by a 1 hour game, so total time will be 1.5 hours. All games will be played on the fields in the front of the High School. Each player will be required to wear shin guards and cleats are recommended but not required. A ball will be provided to each player at the first meeting, and each player should bring the ball to games and practices. There is no set practice time allotted for the U8 teams, but I will convene with the coaches to determine the best time and place. If there are cancellations due to rain, all notices will be posted via the Scituate Soccer Club website, no calls will be made (though I will try to send an email). Attached is the Schedule and Code of Conduct. After listening to the head of the referees drone on for about 30 minutes on the dangers of jewelry (time which I will never get back), no player will be allowed to play with pierced ears, hairclips, etc. We used to tape the earings, but that practice is no longer acceptable. Please let me know if your child has any health issues that I need to be aware of. My home phone is 781 XXX XXXX, my cell number is 781 XXX XXXX, and I check my email frequently. According to my wife, my emails get too wordy, so for those of you read too slowly, are easily offended, or are too busy, you can stop here. For the others……
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