I roll over and look through the blurry haze of my half-open eyelids.
My phone says it’s 7:27. I sigh in dread, not because I have to load up the
family and drive the 1,300 plus miles from Texas to Indiana, but because I will
be taking my stepdaughters away from their father.
Ten year-old Allie carefully opens the door and sticks her head in. “How
long before we’re gonna leave?” she asks in a whisper.
“Probably in an hour. As soon as I get everything in the van,” I reply
from under the covers.
Some claim that I, a straight American male, am biologically hard-wired to notice breasts.
I won't argue with science.
Unless the breasts in question belong to my tweenage daughter.
Just the other day there she was: this sweet little thing in a princess gown, buckled snugly at 5-points in her car seat, singing about the yumminess of fruit salad.
Then I blinked, and there was my precious baby girl leaning across the kitchen counter and ...
Our friend and today's special guest blogger Ben Cohen-Leadholm is one of those guys that sorta pisses you off because he's thought of a gazillion awesome things to do with kids that you haven't. Ben is the author of the family activities blog Kids Are Awesome But So Am I, helping parents reclaim their mojo through kids’ activities that don’t suck. He is the co-author of Have No Career Fear: A College Grad’s Guide to Snagging a Job, Trekking the Career Path, and Reaching Job Nirvana. Find him on Twitter (@parentingmojo), Facebook (www.facebook.com/kidsactivity), and Email (blswes@gmail.com). Here, Ben has a great idea for a fun activity that'll get you outside on a cold February day: ice fishing.
Ice fishing could probably benefit from some re-branding. Because ice fishing is one of the best (and sadly misunderstood) winter activities around, especially for kids.
Think about the simple yet compelling ice fishing equation: enjoying the outdoors, appreciating nature and wildlife, hanging with family and friends, imbibing some “warming” drinks, and snagging fresh delicious fish you’ll get to eat that night. Plus, there are all the stories you’ll be telling your friends over beers (or whole milk) from the day’s adventures. So push any ice fishing stereotypes out of your mind that you might see on a show like Ice Men on the VERSUS network – those caricatures are both entertaining and ridiculous. For example, you’re not going to get frostbite, you’re not going to fall into a fishing hole, and you will not be defending your catch from bears. Promise.
This has been going on for weeks: "Dad, can I go as Killer Croc?" "No." "Why?" "Because no one knows who Killer Croc is." "Oh. Then can I go as Cad Bane?" "No." "Why?" "Because no one knows who Cad Bane is." "Oh. How about Nick Fury?" "Do you want to shave your head?" "No, I mean THE ORIGINAL Nick Fury."
Sigh. At least he's considering costumes that a few of his second grade classmates might get. And regardless of what he ends up wearing, we draw the line at letting him dress up like The Situation. Unlike these kids' parents.
Wanna hear my favorite teenaged drinking story? Of course you do. So: high school, my senior year, I'm one of the few people in my circle of friends who has his "own" car. (It was a used Pontiac Phoenix, paid for by my dad - I was responsible for gas, and not wrapping it around a tree.) The plan for that evening was to go to the hockey game between my school and our cross-town rival; we'd have beer, of course (one of the guys' dads held fairly liberal views on teenaged male beer consumption, and provided us with a twelver of Moosehead, our beer of choice - this was Anchorage, Alaska, and we felt the need to support the economy of our Canadian neighbors). We'd drink a few in the parking lot before heading in to the game. Now, lest you think I was a complete delinquent, we brought a bag of chips, and I was limiting myself to one beer, since I was the driver. We pounded the beers in the parking lot, and I made sure that all of the bottles were disposed of - didn't want to leave any evidence, of course.
The next morning, my dad took the car out to run an errand. When he came back, his expression was stern. I felt a tinge of panic: did I do something to the car? He asked but one question: "Were you guys drinking last night?" The panic threatened to boil over. He suspects something! But we got rid of the evidence! The bottles were gone! I made sure of it!
In many ways, sadly, it's still a Man's World, and a great many men still adhere to the hopelessly outdated notion that being a beauty pageant contestant is something that little girls should aspire to. I respectfully disagree; while I'm sure that the ability to walk around in heels and a bathing suit is a valuable Life Skill, I'm steering her in a different direction - an educated, intelligent citizen of the world. Apparently, that's not really a priority for the folks at the Miss USA pageant; they like their gals young, skinny, and God-fearin' (we're assuming that Barefoot and Pregnant comes later, else why bother to have a Mrs. USA pageant?) In this video, Don Draper's idealized future of American womanhood is asked whether or not evolution should be taught in school. (As you watch it, keep in mind that it's not intended as a joke; this is part of the Miss USA marketing campaign, and is supposed to be sending the message that these women are setting a fine example to our kids.) My daughter is three, and she's already got a leg up on 99% of the vacuous bimbos in this video: she knows that dinosaurs existed, and can even name several.
Damn, that vid's about 15 minutes long. For those of you who haven't the time, patience, or stomach for it, here's the highlight reel:
Chris Rock famously joked that his main job as father to his daughter is simple: keep her off The Pole. Stuff like this reinforces our shared belief. I'm fiercely protective of my daughter, in ways that weren't immediately apparent to me but have crystalized as she's developed into a thinking person. Keep her off the pole, yes; keep her mind sharp and open, and keep instilling in her the belief that she's only a caricature if she chooses to be? HELL yes.
Let's talk about bullies. They seem to be winning these days. And they seem to be getting support from the people that are supposed to stand up for their victims. Phoebe Prince killed herself rather than face another humiliation at the hands of her tormentors. You'd think that the school board would be looking inward, trying to figure out what they could have done to help Phoebe, to understand that when it comes to bullies, silence means approval. You'd think they'd admit that they'd bear some responsibility, because they were charged with the most sacred duty imaginable - the care and protection of kids.
In Constance McMillen's case, the bullies are classmates AND the school administration. Constance, of course, is the girl whose school decided to cancel their prom because she might go and she's a lesbian and what would Jesus and Jefferson Davis think of a gay person attending a prom? (An aside: I really do hate making generalizations of the South - I have friends and family in Dixie, and South Carolina is one of the loveliest places I've been to, thanks in no small part to the people there. But really, The South, you are running out of excuses.) Well, the school cancelled the "real prom". Sorta. Actually, they did have a school-sponsored prom, and Constance was invited. It was chaperoned by the principal and a couple of teachers. Not that their presence was needed. Because Constance was one of only seven students that were invited. The rest of the students? They were whooping it up at a "secret prom" organized by the parents, with the full knowledge of the school board. Their cover-up attempt was something right out of Gomer Pyle's playbook. Psst! Homophobic teens! Wanna keep your Straight Prom secret? Don't post pictures of it on Facebook! (Google "Itawamba prom Facebook pictures" if you want to see them, because I'm pretty sure I'd get in trouble posting pictures of drunk 16 year-olds on my website.) The kicker: the two special needs students who were also not invited to the secret prom - apparently the good people of Shitkicker, Mississippi think that "people can catch them learnin' disabilities like they can catch The Gay".
But lest we forget, there are also heroes. Constance's quote about those two special needs kids speaks volumes. "They had the time of their lives. That's the one good thing to come out of this...(those kids) didn't have to worry about people making fun of them." Now that's a girl I'd be proud to call my daughter.
Recent Comments