Don’t rest on your laurels, James Cameron. Avatar is about to get PWNED by what looks to be the greatest special effects-driven action movie of all time. It’s got it all: breath-taking visuals, amazing voiceover performances, painstaking attention to historical detail, and a socially-conscious message in tune with our troubled times. And it’s got G.I. Joes. REAL G.I. Joes, not those 8 inch tall candy-ass Joseph Gordon-Levitt replicas, but the ones with the Eagle Eye and the Kung Fu Grip and the beards that shed in patches like the facial hair of nuclear meltdown victims. Readers, I give you…Viva The ‘Nam.

Not since we used to take Kung Fu Grip Joe out to the back yard, tie M-80’s and blow him straight to Hell has G.I. Joe been so compelling. We get a glimpse into how those Real American Heroes are forged – knowing is half the battle, and this knowledge is hammered into them in a grueling boot camp sequence that makesĀ Full Metal Jacket‘s Sgt. Hartman look like…er, the real life version of his plastic doll counterpart. (WARNING: REALISTIC ARMY LANGUAGE!)

Producer/director/visual effects artist/screenwriter/toy maven Paul Hanley’s script was so compelling that it lured a former screen legend back in front of the camera to do what he does best: (WARNING: SHOCKING VIOLENCE AND EARDRUM-BURSTING PROFANITY)

As of this writing, no distributor has picked up the film. But after getting these brief, tantalizing glimpses, I’m going to pack a cooler and a sleeping bag and head down to my local multiplex, to be the first in what I’m sure will be a line as epic as this groundbreaking film.

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