DadCentric

Hot Sex! Fast Cars!

Behold the power of a headline! And a photo! No false advertising here, folks. This post will include references to both hot sex and fast cars (along with a topical rant, of sorts). Let's get started, shall we?

A few weeks ago, the lovely and talented Kristen Chase (she of Cool Mom Picks and The Imperfect Parent) sent me a copy of her magnum opus The Mominatrix's Guide To Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms. That very day, I also received a copy of Mark Bechtel's He Crashed Me So I Crashed Him Back: The True Story of The Year The King, Jaws, Earnhardt, and The Rest of NASCAR's Feudin', Fightin', Good Ol' Boys Put Stock Car Racing On The Map. (I sometimes wish I got paid by the letter.) 

Before I get into those books, however, I feel compelled to say something about the recent New York Times article about mommybloggers (or bloggers who are also moms, or blogger/moms, or mom/bloggers) that's gotten everyone all upset and talking about boycotts and counter-articles and open letters and so on. It's pretty controversial. How controversial, you ask? So controversial that I feel compelled to make you hit the Read More button because otherwise you'd just stare at Jessica Simpson's rack.

Friday Fun: Lego Light Saber Battle Wins The Internet

The boy loves his Lego Star Wars stuff. If I let him watch this, his head will explode.

 

PopSmack: Would You Get A Vasectomy?

DadLabs is one of our favorite sites; the guys from Austin have been doing great videos on fatherhood for a while, and so when they asked me to join forces with them and the guys from DadWagon, why, of course I said yes. (Actually, I believe I said "fuck, yes".)

Our collaborative effort is called PopSmack, and the plan is to talk about/debate dad-type stuff. The first installment revolves around a subject very close to my heart, as well as my taint. Clay asks the Max Headroom-esque versions of Nathan and me about the pros and cons of vasectomy. (Guess where I fall.) Enjoy!

So You Want To Be A Daddyblogger? ABDPBT Is Here To Help!

Are you thinking about jumping into the vast and ever-expanding Dadblog Universe? Over at her blog ABDPBTWTFOMGBBQR2D2C3PO (sp?), Anna Viele offers some suggestions to would-be daddybloggers. She does DadCentric a solid:

"Soon after you have been recognized on a mass scale by the mommies with power, you will start to wonder why, though your traffic is higher than most of your peers, you still don’t seem to be courted by corporations in a manner befitting your stature. You will question the wisdom of associating yourself with a blog network called “BlogHer,” given the fact that you are a “Him,” but ultimately decide that you can deal with it, because if you weren’t man enough for this gig, then you wouldn’t have signed up to be a mommy blogger. Er, daddy blogger. Still, your heart will yearn for more publicity, and your brain will craves the challenge that only a change of venue can provide. You will start to want to reach out to others of your own kind, and will seek solace and community in the form of DadCentric, where you will occasionally write posts for an audience smaller than that of your own blog, but earn the credibility that only Federated Media ad sponsorship can provide. At Dadcentric, you will become a regular and get something back of that male camaraderie that you lost when you sold yourself out to the group of chicks looking at nursing blankets outside the ballroom at the last blogging conference."

Our team of fact-checking interns combed through this, and we'd to correct a couple of grievous errors in Mrs. Viele's post. First, my personal blog gets about 37 hits a day (assuming that views from my mom count), and DadCentric gets at least twice that. Second, our credibility does not spring from Federated Media alone (although Wal-Mart wouldn't advertise with just anyone). Look at our Press page! (Two words: Fit. Pregnancy.) 

So, would-be dadbloggers, read and absorb Anna's lessons. You too can be as successful as the mommybloggers featured in that article's photo! (There's Dooce, and I think that's Finslippy, and...uh...some other mommybloggers.) And don't forget one she didn't mention: have a sense of humor and some perspective about yourself and what you do. 

What We're Doing Here

I walked in late, the last to arrive; yesterday was a travel day, and it had been delays and missing the invitees' dinner and a steak with three Martinis to make up for that. The rest were sitting at the table, chatting. The conversation, exclusively female, ebbed when I walked in - not quite the "everyone suddenly stops talking/sound effects guys insert sound of needle being dragged across record" that one gets in the movies, but it might as well have been. I'd been to plenty of these events. The looks were enough.

 Who is HE? And what is HE doing here? 

 Here's who he is. The guy that mows the lawn. The guy that figures out that the Check Engine light is on because the gas cap wasn't screwed back in. The guy that teaches his sons - and daughters - how throw a perfect spiral. The guy that obsesses over the perfect barbecue, the home team, and putting. The guy that shows his son that one mustn't be mean to girls. The guy that shows his daughter that they needn't take shit from boys. The guy that teaches both that "just because" is not now nor will ever be a viable excuse. The guy that sits down with his kids and explains supernovas, the Reconstruction, and long-form division. The guy that cooks and cleans. The guy that changes diapers. The guy that patrols the streets of some shithole country with an M4 at the ready. The guy that runs into burning buildings. The guy that writes those TPS reports. The guy that used to write those TPS reports but now, thanks to the latest round of layoffs, is pulling espressos at Starbucks. The guy that drove the car that picked you up at the airport. The guy that occupies the Oval Office. The guy that does this every day for 8, 10, 12, 14, 24 hours, and never really has to dig deep because the reasons for all of it are there in that picture in his wallet, or on his phone, or in his backpack, the one he shows to his fellows, beaming and professing his luck when he does so. 

 Who is he? 

 He's the silent majority. 

 What is he doing here? 

 He's breaking the silence.

Coming forth from the primordial ooze of the tubes

It was around this time in 2005 that Jason wrote about getting it in his head that there weren't a lot of blogs out there that catered to him and his ilk. (Can I just say that I love the word "ilk?" Ilk, ilk, ilk.) A blog that spoke his language - kids, music, movies, pop culture, gear and vasectomies. And he was right. Sure there were blogs by dads out there, but they tended to talk about how blessed we were and how we should cherish each and every moment and it's such a beautiful thing to be a father and...oh, my fuckin' hell you're making me sick. There were no group blogs out there by dads for dads that don't want to get punched in the junk for talking like this amongst their friends. If you act like this with your buddies while watching a Pats-Jets game, you deserve the atomic wedgie you just received even if you are 40. Yes, being a dad is a great thing, I wouldn't trade a moment of it, but it's also a dirty business: there's shite and vomit and urinary baptisms - it's not always pretty nor is it always pleasant. And dammit I don't feel blessed to be breaking out the Little Green machine at one in the morning to clean up curdled milk vomit. I just don't. I think I can be honest about that without incurring the wrath of the sensitive pony-tailed guys out there. Thus was born DadCentric.

DadCentric Alumni: We Check In with Cynical Dad

Alumni Week continues with a visit from Chag Holland, AKA Cynical Dad. The title's somewhat misleading; he's not that cynical, but he is funny and thoughtful, and remains at the top of the dadblogging heap. And even though I've yet to actually get one of my requests played, his Nameless Twitter Radio Show is one of the best things going on the Internets. I think Chag may have solved the Mommy Wars with the following:

It's been a long time since I defaced the pages of DadCentric. I was one of the original writers here at DadCentric back in the day. After I left, the site flourished. I've always seemed to have that effect on things: after I'm gone, they prosper. Oh well.

I've been asked to give an address on the current state of the dad blog-o-sphere. It's been over four years since I jumped headfirst into this narcissistic pool of blogging and not much has changed. Great writing and interesting personalities still win out at the end of the day. It's grown quite a bit. During this time, I've seen blogs I've loved shut down, but for every person who kills his blog, three more sprout up in its place like some mythological creature my eighth grade boyfriend would have known about.

I've made some great friends over the years through my blog. While I don't know much about this "blogging community" thing I see mentioned from time to time, I do know that I've met plenty of cool people through my blog or theirs that I wouldn't mind sharing a beer with in my garage. If you don't mind Miller High Life, that is.

I'm slowly making the transition away from daddyblogging. While I still write about my kids from time to time, I've been writing more about myself and issues and things I care about. 

But one of the great things about being a daddyblogger is that you're not a mommyblogger. While we're considered second-class citizens in the blog-o-sphere compared to our female counterparts, we also don't have much of the drama. Quick: how many times have you seen a dad bitch out or complain about another dad online? Now how many times have you seen a mother do that to another mother online? Uh-huh.

So to the mommybloggers in the audience, I offer this suggestion: punch each other in the face and share a beer afterward. You'll settle your differences much quicker and beer goes great with a black eye.

If you don't mind Miller High Life, that is.

DadCentric Alumni: We Check In with Jay Allen

"May you live in interesting times" is one of my favorite sayings; I modify it to "may you know interesting people". Jay Allen certainly qualifies; the blogger formerly known as The Zero Boss was one of the first guys I started reading when I entered the blog-o-sphere. Always outspoken, never outgunned, and rarely backing down from a good debate, he's been a big influence on me and a lot of other bloggers. One of DadCentric's original members, Jay fills us in on what he's been up to, and offers up his opinion on the state of the dadblogosphere. Like you thought he wouldn't.

The State of Dadblogging? Fracked If I Know.

By Jay Andrew Allen

Dear Hey You:

I don't read your blog.

It's nothing personal. I barely even read mine.

I haven't blogged regularly for two years - which is Internet-equivalent to the span of the Jurassic Era. Back then, Facebook was a nice toy, and Twitter had not yet begun to topple dictatorships. The parenting blog explosion was still nascent; there were only handfuls of moms, and a smattering of dads. Blogging wasn't just a platform for writing, but a social networking tool. It's how we parents - busy, stressed beyond stress, and confined to our homes like white-collar crooks with ankle-locks - connected with one another. It was distracting, and it was fun.

It was also insanely soap-operatic, and instrumental in more than one personal meltdown. But let's not dwell on that. Oh look, a shiny object...

Now it's 2009. Social networking has supplanted the kaffeeklatsch function of blogs, making it easier to stay connected to one's online buds in 160-keystroke outbursts. I mean, Tourette's as a model of human interaction? Honestly, I didn't see that one coming. As for the blogosphere? Bloated and moribund, overridden with celebrity gossip and pictures of cats in need of English classes. What's a daddy with four cute rugrats and a writing bug to do? 

The answers are as different as dads are. Guys like the noble DadCentric crew keep chugging away, digging for answers to deep questions like, "How does a busy dad get enough sleep?", or, "How many times can a kid ask for chocolate milk before every synapse in your brain blows out?" Dads like BHJ do us the favor of calling other dads out on their self-deprecating bullshit.

Me, I've taken to not blogging about my kids - to writing less about myself at all, actually. What I do write online is more geared toward ideas and culture than to my daily grind. Offline, I've rekindled my love of short fiction, and am unleashing most of my creative energies there. Let's just say that 2+ years of Internet drama plus a blown marriage have rendered me circumspect. The people who are close to me deserve their privacy. And I've learned to value mine.

Still, if it weren't for blogging - and for the dads who came before and after me - I might not be writing at all. Dadblogging was a necessary evolution. It re-awakened my Writer's Spirit. I'll always look fondly upon the friends I've made here - moms and dads, my fellow parental warriors and occasional status update-er.

To those of you who slog on: I salute you. And I meant that "self-deprecating bullshit" quip. If you don't do enough, do more. If you do your share, own it. Don't apologize for being a dad. Be proud.

Now get back to work. 

Sincerely,

Jay

DadCentric Alumni: We Check In With BHJ

This week, we're bringing back some old friends to help us celebrate DadCentric's Fourth Anniversary. Not to blow sunshine up our own asses, but this site has been the standard bearer for dadblogging excellence since its inception, and DadCentric writers like BHJ are the reason why. The greatest trick that the BHJ ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist; thankfully, he does, and the blogosphere is a better place for it. I'll pass the mic to him:

Hello again DadCentric audience. It’s been a little while. How are you? I hope your lives have been filled with depth and power and lots of getting laid. And good food too. If you’ve got good food and sex and a few people who can stand your ass, hold your chin up—you win. 

Jason gave us—the DadCentric guests—some themes to focus on. The first thing he mentioned was addressing the Dad-Blog-O-Sphere itself, how it’s changed and how it hasn’t. And, you see, today I had a great French Dip. The Au Jus was good and salty. What I mean to say is that it’s hard for me to stay focused on a theme. The Dad-Blog-O-Sphere itself? I don’t think I’ve been around long enough to assess it in a way that means anything. Really. My first answer is that I don’t know. 

But when has not knowing ever stopped me before? It seems to have become more populated, even in the short time I’ve been around. It’s filled with dudes who love their kids. And there’s still no money in it. There’s a lot of the same old junk about making fun of how Dads are stupid. Dads cut themselves down and try to make it look funny and humble. It’s a lazy cliché and people who perpetuate this stereotype ought to be shot and killed.

It doesn’t feel unified in any fundamental way. Or if it is, I’m alienated from it. I wish we could get it together and make a million dollars like those BlogHer chicks. It seems to me that DadCentric could spearhead something like that. I’d go to a DadCentric conference. I mean, seriously. I love my kids so fucking much. My feelings about them are so vital and strong. There’s got to be a way to convert the force of that resounding love into buckets of cash. 

Next, Jason asked how being a high-profile Dadblogger has affected me. Well, anybody who knows my story knows that my blog exploded very quickly and my ego inflated to unprecedented levels. But then I started hating myself and eating big handfuls of pills. Then I kinda self-destructed and started writing about depression and suicide and anger until I wasn’t really a high-profile Dadblogger anymore. Now, I feel more like my audience is my audience and less like a fad cracking the same old jokes.

How has this affected me? It’s been great. It’s kept me consistently writing and improving and it really boosted my confidence. It was shocking to discover that some people enjoyed my writing. Immensely gratifying. And now that my addiction to popularity has waned, I’ve been able to focus more on the quality of my writing, which is to say I’m more focused on the quality of my experience. They go hand-in-hand. To seek on a daily basis for ways to write about my life is to be more attentive to my life. And this makes for more attentive fathering. So in the process of what some would call exploiting my children, the kids actually end up with the best of me: an observant Dad who’s bursting with things to say about them. 

 

The Blogger's Choice Awards: It's An Honor Just to Be Nominated. We Guess.

Every year, blog readers around the world get to exercise their vote over at the Blogger's Choice Awards. Once again, DadCentric has been nominated for Hottest Daddy Blogger. We'd like to thank the members of The Academy for selecting us. It's an honor just to be nominated.

Actually, blogs are nominated by the public-at-large, so whoever nominated us, thanks - we do appreciate it. (Not being sarcastic here - it is nice to know that at least one of you deems us award-worthy.)

It's an honor - indeed, it's humbling - to be included among such well-known dadblogs as Realadultsex.com, Collegemoviereview.com, Firearmed.com, Ramseyandpablo.com (Ramsey is a Doberman, Pablo is a Chihuahua - one of them may have fathered puppies before he was neutered - wait, Ramsey is a female, so maybe Pablo is a dad?), Thebikersite.com, and the ground-breaking dadblog Penisenlargmentsolutions.com. 

My fellow dadbloggers, we should all take great pride: it's clear that our voices - voices that speak of the challenges of being a father in today's world - are being taking more seriously than ever.