I am getting old. No, let me rephrase that. I am old. Not Methuselah-old mind you, but I’m pretty sure I have the same aches and pains he did. I know I’ve said this/written this/thought this on many other occasions, so I apologize ahead of time for boring you once again with my “Woe is I” crap. There have just been a few instances over the past few weeks that have brought it all home for me.
#1 – When Crushes Have Kids (Sorta): Nearly everyone I know – both in real life and on this tubes thing – has kids. So why am I so traumatized by the fact that Molly Ringwald plays a mother on The Secret Life of the American Teenager? I mean, she recently turned 40, why should this impact me so? Well, first it’s Molly Ringwald dammit! Sam! Claire! MOLLY for crissakes! If she’s playing a mother on TV then that means I really am an adult now. Not only is she playing a mother, but a mother of teenaged daughters. Yes, I wrote that correctly…TEENAGED daughters. So, not only am I an adult now, I’m an old adult. An adult with peers who have children that have long since shed diapers in the constructive way rather than humorous and who now have real-world problems other than whether to watch Monsters, Inc. or Ice Age. Can someone please slow this ride down? I’d like to get off for a few minutes. I’m getting a tad dizzy.
#2 – Of Course It Still Fits: I keep in touch with my high school and with some of the people I graduated with – albeit electronically, but it’s contact. Some of the guys I speak with now and then I’ve known since the first grade. Last week, one of them sent out an e-mail about getting classmates together for some golf – it’s become a yearly, reunion-type thing without Jesuits in attendance. Anyway, his e-mail was littered with 80s references: sweats bi ebe, coaches shoes, the ubiquitous mullet mention, Celtics-Lakers (heh), turned-up collars and pegged pant legs. No, I am not waxing nostalgic for any of that – except of course the Celtics, but we know how that ended. No, many of these things were mercifully removed from the landscape – except the mullet – can’t we do anything about that? Anyone? Anyway, what threw me was not the litany of 80s items. Those I can deal with even if I long for a Members Only revival. What threw me was the reunion year coming up in 2010. 25. Twenty-five. T-w-e-n-t-y-f-i-v-e. Two. Five. Did you know it’s actually the first that carries a designation? It’s the Silver in case you wondering. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty? Usually nothing. At least not when I was an alumni director anywhere. Nope, 25 is the first. Outside of the fifth, it’s also the reunion year with some of the best attendances. Twenty-five is when you see how much time has ravaged some and been kind to others. So, it’s official, high school was now more than half a lifetime ago. Sigh. Please see the last three sentences of #1.
#3 – E-mail Forwards Are True!: I don’t know what spurred this conversation between my lovely bride and me and it was somewhat cliche, but we were talking about things that our kids will just never know about or have never li ved without unless they watch the History Channel or do Wikipedia searches. B&W TVs, vinyl records, rotary phones, cable, microwave ovens, computers – all that shit has been covered in those Gen Y/Millennials/Echo Boomer/Gen Z/Generation If-It’s-Not-X-Who-the-Fuck-Cares e-mail forwards. No, it’s now all about social networks, wi-fi, convergence – I imagine standard PCs will be gone and all you’ll need is a home server that will do it all – DVR, PC, Internet, gaming, consumable media, etc – no need for an advanced degree or pages of schematics to wire it all either. Modems, gateways, hubs will all be a thing of the past – if they’re not already. Technology and the like has changed dramatically in just the past 10-15 years let alone since we were kids programming on our Commodore 64s or TRS-80s and doing horrific thumb damage playing Atari 2600. In 10 years, how will I react when my son quips: “You had a phone that only had a 2 megapixel camera? Was it black and white too?”