In the past 12 months, who has proven himself to be among the Suckiest of the Sucky Fathers in the Entire Universe? (“Entire Universe” is defined as “cursory searches I performed on Bing.”)
We had plenty to chose from in 2009.
Jackson family patriarch Wacky Ol’ Joe is always good for a nomination. Then he was kinda right about Michael being murdered. No room for that here, people.
Balloon Boy dad Richard Heene? A delusional publicity whore, yes, but he didn’t actually put his son in the balloon before launching it into the stratosphere. Though he did name the boy “Falcon” so maybe …
Tiger Woods? Many didn’t realize he had kids before Elin took a divot out of his face, so he gets a bye this round.
Without further ado, DadCentric presents The Worst Dads of 2009:
Levi-johnston-playgirlYou think knocking up an uber-conservative Republican governor’s teenage daughter out of wedlock would be as low as you could go.
Then her mom gets nominated for vice president of the United States and your inability to operate a condom is now international news!
When the election ends and things finally calm down (after your mom is busted on drug charges, of course), your son is born and … what?! You let that crazy-ass Palin clan continue its “real America” tradition of giving its boys names that will get him teased and beat up throughout his school years? “Oops, did you trip, Tripp?”
What do you do for an encore in 2009, loser?
Actually, what didn’t you do. Aside from actually care for your son, that is:
Backed out of the engagement to the mother three months after the kid’s birth. Hey, it reduced the chances of you two idiots producing another child. Maybe.
Did an ad for pistachios (yeah, NUTS!) that not only makes fun of your inability to use birth control but proves you can’t act even when all you have to do is walk, stop and crack open a shell.
Ratted out the Palins to every media outlet you could (OK, we enjoyed that but it was still not a good example to set for your son).
Served as comedienne Kathy Griffin’s bitch at the Teen Choice Awards. How the hell did you get them to let you near so many underage girls? On a show produced by Fox!
Posed for Playgirl, though you modestly did not show us all of your shortcomings.
We see a bright future for you, Levi. On “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.”