In spite of his name (and his Dick Yorkish looks),Dickyork8oz Dorky Dad is the coolest dad blogger I know. Literally. The man lives in Minnesota. It breaks 45 degrees there only three weeks a year. He’s been blogging for a lot longer than he’d like to admit and, with the birth of his second son last year, has recently celebrated the death of his free time. He mostly blogs about his family life, which has sapped him of hope and testosterone. This sometimes makes for inspired PowerPoint flow charts or, in this case, poetry about his one special day of the year.

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This month we celebrated Father’s Day, the day we acknowledge the lives of those men lucky enough to have had sex at just the right moment. I like to celebrate such days the only way I know how, by writing a bunch of nonsensical poems in the Haiku style, otherwise known as the blogger’s, go-to poetry verse. I, unfortunately, am no exception.

Here goes:

I like Father’s Day
It’s the day we celebrate
Our sperm production

But it takes much more
To be a good dad than that
It takes much money

And time, I suppose
I’ll admit, these kids are fun
Then they turn 13

Over the past year
I fixed toys, played ball, made food
For this I get ties

Fathers should like ties
But all they do is choke me
And look obnoxious

If I am lucky
I’ll get to sleep in Sunday
Yeah, that won’t happen

I will get some steak
Because that’s what I demand
But wife can’t touch grill

My dad had dentures
He liked to chatter his teeth
It was real creepy

But unlike my dad
I have brushed and flossed and rinsed
So I have my teeth

I’ve deprived my kids
Of a dad with creepy teeth
I’m creepy elsewhere

Excited, Boy was
At his father’s day present
He worked hard to make

I got it today
You’ll never guess what it was
An air freshener

An air freshener
He trying to say something?
Like, “Your van stinks, dad.”

I did get a tie
It was made out of cardboard
And said, “Your the best.”