Tomorrow is Father’s Day, of course, and of course some of you waited until the very last minute to get that dad in your life a present. Statistics show that at least 45% of you will end up buying him a tie. (We accept that. You can’t help yourselves. It’s Society’s fault. Damn you, Society, with your outdated stereotypes/marginalization of dads!) So that you don’t muck that up, we’ve enlisted Eric Burgess, aka Fashion Dad, to help you make a good choice.

Ties have always gotten a bad rap on Father’s Day. As far back as I can remember, Father’s Day and Neckties have gone hand in hand. However, it was always one of those things where your dad probably secretly wished he got another gift instead. It seems though that ties have made a complete comeback as they can be worn so many different ways now. I know the list below isn’t complete – but it’s enough to help you figure out which category your dad or husband belongs in.

The Hipster Tie: Hipsters rejoice! With your cardigan sweaters and tight jeans, you too now have a tie to match your style. Prints in this category are completely across the board, but always on the skinny end. Hipsters love ties because they like to accessorize.

The Loose Tie: Casey Affleck is seen here wearing his tie loose. While this tie is more in the ‘How to wear your tie’ category, I thought it was appropriate to point out. Any tie will work in this category (except a tie that reads “WORLD’S GREATEST DAD” – those are never appropriate for anything), though the skinnier the better.

The Politician Tie: I know Colbert isn’t a politician – but he dresses like one. Politicians dress conservative by nature – no matter which way they lean. Ties in this group are as big as they come (the width makes them useful for mopping sweat while being grilled by a Congressional Investigative Panel) and they are almost always either striped (like the one Colbert is seen wearing) or minimally patterned.

The Old Man Tie: R**** S**** (EDITOR’S NOTE: Name altered to avoid potential cease-and-desist letter) is a Philosophy professor at Texas A&M University. I only know this because I google-imaged ‘old man tie’ and his picture showed up. Consistent with old men not caring about what they look like (check out his eyebrows!), R**** appears to be rocking some sort of tie with a bit of history on it. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Those eyebrows are pretty impressive. Bet he’d make a good Mentat.)

The Bernie Mac Tie: Bernie Mac deserves his own category. He was one well dressed comedian. Ties in this category have shine to them and are mostly silk. You can really only wear these sorts of ties with a really nice suit. I miss the dude.

The Skinny Tie: Otherwise known as the Ryan Seacrest tie, this tie is, well, skinny. These ties come in a variety of different prints and colors, including Piano Keyboard and Black Pleather. Usually between 5-7cm wide, these ties must be worn by individuals with the stature of a jockey, like Seacrest; they can also be found on Kevin Bacon in Footloose, the entire cast of Square Pegs, and/or those who typically wear a more slim styled suit.

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