Mr. Kevin and Mr. Jesus:

First and foremost, we would like to welcome you to DadCentric. Please note that lunch begins promptly at 12 noon and the gold tray on the left rack belongs to Mr. Jason. Your trailer should be ready upon your arrival: Mr. Kevin, the brass pole you requested should be securely installed for your “exercises”; Mr. Jesus, an extra water pump has been installed to facilitate the additonal thrust necessary to dispose of your bowel movements. We would like it to be known that although Craft Services (dba Call Me Tim Enterprises) is more than happy to accommodate your requests, union regulations do not allow us to monitor or maintain said modifications should they not live up to your standards.

With regard to wardrobe, unfortunately, we are unable to supply the following items: leather “gimp” outfit, naughty nurse costume, Barney suit with assless chaps or Yankees uniform. Please see our custom outfitter for these items and any others.

Please note that Craft Services takes no responsibility for lost or stolen items while on the set. Should you see mr. big dubya or CroutonBoy carrying similar items, know that those items, while they might be similar, are not yours and are in fact property of Craft Services per Section 18, Paragraph 12 lines 1-9 in the Chapter labeled Finders Keepers Losers Weepers.

Should you have any complaints. concerns, suggestions or comments, please forward them to Mr. B. Dubya or Mr. C. Boy – please note that their hours are 10-10:15 every other third Saturday in months ending in “h.”

Again, we’d like to welcome you to the DadCentric family and hope your time with us is…

Tony, can you get me another beer?