Ever hear of Push Presents? Yeah, me neither. Apparently there are husbands out there who go out and buy their wives presents after they’ve had a baby. (After the wives have had the baby. Not the husbands. Shit, if I pushed out the baby, the first thing I’d do, after my ass had healed enough for me to walk, is go out and buy me one of these:

Like I said, I’d never heard of Push Presents until I got an email from Emily Friedman, a writer for ABC News, asking if I’d like to be interviewed on the subject.

This presented a conundrum. Say yes, and the site gets some publicity on ABC News’ blog. THE ABC News website, not the Des Moines affiliate’s. Say yes, and I get all sorts of uncomfortable questions lobbed at me from Beth. Because OF COURSE I didn’t get her a Push Present. So I agreed to the interview, and Emily gave me a call shortly thereafter. I stumbled through my answers, and of course Emily heard Beth laughing at me in the background, and naturally she wanted to talk to Beth, and, well, here’s the article. I don’t know how big of a global phenomenon Push Presents are, or whether or not the trend will become commonplace, nor do I particularly care, as we’re done having kids. It seems to me that the idea of giving your wife a gift after lugging a baby around for 9 months and then going through the whole birthin’ thing is probably not the most awful thing in the world, and like so many other aspects of being married and raising kids, you do what you feel is right and what works, and if a Push Present is one of those, or not, good on you.

But what do I know, right? What’s funny, of course, is the shitstorm of controversy that arose in the article’s comment sections. Either my wife’s terribly shallow, or I’m shiftless and inconsiderate, or Danny Evans is a terrible human being (yeah, the commentors don’t spare him either). Or, perhaps, some people really are in need of a Pull Gift. What’s a Pull Gift? Why, it’s the greatest gift one can give – I won’t tell you what it is, but it involves a stick, and its removal from someone’s ass.