I’m sure you’re all as frantic as I am about what to do about the safety of our families in light of recent revelations made to that crazy loon our brother in Christ, Pat Robertson, by the Man Upstairs. Yes, we here on the left coast are apparently in line for something akin to a big macking tsunami if what was revealed to Pat during his most recent “prayer retreat” ends up being true. The only thing I’m having a little difficulty with – and please, I’m not trying to discredit Mr. Robertson as he is truly a prophet of God – is the fact that he questions whether or not he may have “heard the Lord right” during all this.

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but, doesn’t God kind of sound like James Earl Jones when he talks? At least he did in The Ten Commandments. I’m pretty sure it’s one of those deep, loud, booming voices that carries pretty far at the very least. My guess is that, if the Lord Almighty spoke to you, He would probably make it a point to 1) speak loud enough for you to hear and 2) enunciate.

So, Pat…maybe you could hit Him up again and verify all this for us. It’s important stuff, you know. The safety of my family is at stake here. Besides, I’d like a confirmation before moving to Kansas.