Christ. Is October the longest month on record, or what? Last month, especially the last four days, was like watching paint dry on some snails that were racing through slow growing grass planted in quicksand. I had to use toothpicks to prop my eyes open.

At first I thought that it was due to Halloween falling on a Wednesday. That meant that most of the parties and craziness that are normally associated with the holiday were but a distant memory come Halloween morning. The day wasn’t filled with anticipation of tricks or treats, but rather digging through closets, cars and laundry piles, trying to find pieces of costumes that were peeled off of sleeping children just days before.Parisalice4preview

In hindsight, I think it was more than that. To put it in rather coarse sexual terms for no apparent reason, I didn’t pace myself. I peaked too early. When other parents were just tickling the fancy of Halloween I was knocking its pumpkin head against the, well, headboard. When other parents were eying candy and costumes I was on my back, smoking a cigarette and hoping someone had a key to the handcuffs.

It was October, I should have at least been thinking about baseball. Damn Red Sox. Basically, I treated Halloween like something slutty and cheap. It wanted to be wooed and I showed it the wow.

What? It could have been the wow.

So that meant that Wednesday morning, when everyone else was preparing for the night ahead, I was nursing a figurative hangover and hoping that pumpkins can’t get pregnant. They can’t, right?

If I have to blame someone for the rush of emotion that was our Halloween-mania it has to be my oldest boy. This year he has taken Halloween to previously unknown heights. He enjoyed Halloween last year, we went to Disneyland and apparently set the bar too high. I thought we were just having fun. I didn’t realize that I was planting the seed of high expectations. This year it was on.

Candy was an afterthought, icing on the proverbial cake. He was all about ghosts and jack-o-lanterns. He was about monsters and boogers (I don’t know). The entire month was a build-up of the spooky and the ooky. Every conversation centered on skeletons and monsters. In fact, it still does. Here we are one day removed and aside from the occasional M&M the day has been just like any other. Our song remains the same.

This is where the vicious circle thing comes into play. So done am I with the ghost of Halloween that I’m already pushing the next big thing- Thanksgiving. For every mention today of specters or goblins I’ve introduced the topic of turkey. Let’s talk turkey, I’ll say, and the blank response speaks volumes.

We are not prepared to give thanks just yet, unless it’s for skeletons and boogers. Besides, I’m damn sure not screwing a turkey. We gotta eat that thing.