I like Seven [For All Mankind] Jeans. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking – “Well, la-di-fucking-da, Whiffleboy, Levis not good enough for ya?” No, not even close. They don’t highlight my perfectly sculptured ass well enough, the waist is too high, the stitching is weak, and the denim is too thin. Sevens, on the other hand? Well, you’d just have to try them to really understand, but, I can tell you this much: When my wife sees me in them, they’re not around my waist for much longer.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I just scored a pair off eBay* for a great price. That’s why.