I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but what the hell is the deal with all of the underage drunk girls? Seriously? I don’t know, maybe it’s the dad talking, but I’m not sure it’s as cool as E! wants us to believe.

Linday + Nicole= 80lbs and 90 proof

They are everywhere, and for some reason there isn’t much of an outcry from our otherwise prudent society. Sure, their antics make for great headlines and some decent side-boob shots, but the Lohans of the world aren’t even old enough to get into bars- shouldn’t that raise some concern?

I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t partake when I was younger. I spent many a weekend night with my friends in the Alpha Beta parking lot, standing around, listening to Guns and Roses and The Beastie Boys, waiting for the few girls that would hang out with us to pimp their goods in the face of the right horny shopper and score us twenty bucks worth of crappy beer and 2-liter bottles of wine coolers. What else were we going to do, bowl?

We, however, were not on the national news every night, and we most definitely were not in bars. I didn’t get my fake ID until I was 20. By the time Lindsay and friends turned twenty we had been following their clubbing lifeystyle for years. Years.

How are these ladies, and of course the hordes of hormones and cameras that follow them, getting into places that are designed by law to keep them out? If the paparazzi was replaced by 60 Minutes the doors would be shut tight, but Andy Rooney isn’t taking the bait. Why, besides the fact that I’m pretty sure he’s dead, wouldn’t a respectable news guy/humorist want to expose this? Because it’s not news, and it’s only slightly funny.

America loves underage drunk girls.

I must be getting old. Think I’ll head down to Alpha Beta.