It’s Summertime, gentlemen, and with the blazing heat (residents of the gray mass known as San Francisco excluded) comes the skimpy swimsuits, hot bods and other such eye candy – not that we’re looking or anything, of course. We’re just aware, wives.

Anyway, while surfing the net yesterday – OK…it was PerezHilton – I came across something that really put Summer in perspective…if you’re a Quaker. It’s swimwear for the modest and wholesome. Finally, there’s something practical and sexy frumpy for those who feel a little leg is a little much. God knows [literally] that knee caps and shoulders are the gateway body parts to unabashed promiscuity, so, cover that stuff up, sisters in Christ, lest ye tempt thy males.

I’m not going to lie. This isn’t something I haven’t seen before. I vividly remember church youth retreats to the skating rink where the poor ladies had to rock the rink in culottes as hymns blasted through the stereophonic sound system. Talk about a cock-block! Even a 13 year old with a nuclear libido like I had has a difficult time making something sexy out of a cute chick with bloody knees limping off the rink after a rambunctious couple of orbits to “Bringing In The Sheaves”. Culottes = Not Sexy. Always. Mission accomplished, I guess.

I’m all for modesty, if you so choose, ladies. And I understand if some of you have issues with your body (theocratic or otherwise), but, seriously…let’s not resort to a Spandex undergarment with a potato sack top, OK? There’s a big difference between a day at the beach and a day of beach-adjacent fellowship with your Brothers and Sisters. Please don’t confuse the two.

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