Readers will recall that Warren (Celtics fan) and I (Lakers fan) made a little bet regarding the outcome of this year’s NBA Finals. And so, after tonight’s stinking abortion of a lopsided finale to the series, I will be sending Mr. Big Dubya a case of San Diego’s favorite local beer, Karl Strauss Amber Lager. (You may be asking yourselves, why not a case of L.A.’s favorite local beer? Because there are no good microbreweries in all of L.A. County.)
Now, some of you out there may be tempted to run some fansmack. Before you do, a few things to consider. First, I encourage you to zip over to ESPN.com, click on any of the recent NBA Finals-related articles, and peruse the work of the modern day Voltaires that post to the comments sections. Me, I try to avoid talking shit about opposing teams, simply because I really don’t want to stand up and be counted with the ranks of these ass-tampons that feel the need to talk shit about how great their teams are and how much their opponents suck. Yes, I understand that these folks need to have something to cheer about – putting in those long hours at JiffyLube and coming home to the doublewide, you need to have some ray of sunshine in your life – but do it with class and dignity. Second, any fan who uses the term “we” in reference to their pro team of choice winning anything (“We beat the Lakers! We’re number 1!”) is in all likelihood a couch-bound mooseknuckled Fritos addict who only picks up a ball if it’s made of malted milk. (It was nice, however, to see that the Celtics apparently pulled one of these lucky fans out of the crowd, gave him a uni, and let him play for a few minutes tonight. Congrats, Glen Davis! And yes, I will talk shit about Glen Davis, because even though I’m so bad at hoops that Stephen Hawking could whoop my ass in a game of H.O.R.S.E., I’m pretty sure I’m a better player than that fatbody. Holy Christ, when he came off the bench I thought Tony Gwynn had decided to resume his basketball career.) Third, the only thing worse than a bandwagon fan is a fan who roots for one team because at some point your shitty team got beat by one (or both) of the two good teams that won their respective conferences and made it to the Finals. (I don’t get the logic – if I’m, say, a Knicks fan, and I watched the Celtics, arguably the shittiest team on the planet last year, make it to the Finals this year while my guys once again went nowhere, I wouldn’t be waving the goddamn green pompoms for them. Think that Yankees fans were cheering on the Red Sox in the last World Series?)
Last word: the Lakers have no excuses for losing. They were beaten by a team that played better and wanted it more. Some will blame Kobe, to which I say, um, there’s 4 other guys on the floor that also need to score and defend. Some will blame Phil, to which I say – give me a fucking break. Count the rings, read his books, understand the triangle offense and then tell me that the guy can’t coach; ultimately, the players win or lose the games. In conclusion, congrats to the Celtics, cheers to their fans, and hopefully we won’t have to wait 22 years for the next matchup.